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Mar 5, 2016

Post Unhealthy Allergy

I've been sick for the past three days. I woke up after a tiring class in the afternoon to a form of allergy(I'm not sure either) that can be obviously informed by many small dots on my face. It feels so uncomfortable and I looked like a zombie that I don't feel any confident to go out of the room.

I told my mother of this matter, and she said that no one is looking at me. So I might as well get my life going, she said. But the allergy gets worse and I could not do anything except to see doctor in any nearest time.

So on Thursday evening, after receiving consent from TPHEP(Students' Affairs) I am finally home after two weeks. It ain't that cherishing, as I was totally bedridden with few pills that I took to cure the dots on my face, and I was forced to take juice and fruits for breakfast. It's just totally sickening as I could not even sit properly to study due to head ache coming along with flu and still some dots on my face!

So today I met a dermatologist to inform my problem and he gave some medicines. Afterall, I've never had any issue with allergy so it's kinda weird for the first time handling this matter.

But oh, no, that's not my first issue to highlight.

But my second point is how I have lost some confidence when I feel less beautiful. Apparently, during the sick time I could not bother how I looked like. I could not even wear a matching tudung with my blouse, and I did not put anything on my face as I usually do.

When I went out to see my doctor, only then I put on some powder and cream to my face to cover up the dots that came all of sudden. Doctor verified by asking me, "Oh you letak some cream on your face ke?" I nodded and say yes I did.

How I realized my confidence level was easily snatched away by looking less beautiful. No, it is not even a good sign to me. To me, a woman is beautiful as she is in no matter how she looked like, with or without make up, as long as she feels comfortable with herself. But, however, I am still thrilled by how I easily got lost when I feel less beautiful by other people's look. Hey dear, what's with your confidence? What's with the Balqis that is known for her bravery and courage no matter of came what may? 

I poorly looked at myself and how my dependency goes to self-appealing look and appearance, the existence of some make up that I've just learned to do so since last year( I'm turning 20 years old and people will call a woman instead of a girl, so I had to learn, no?). But, that's how woman will change over time.

They first thought they are beautiful the way they are, not until they are exposed to make ups. Then, as she learns how to wear make up, she started to believe that beautiful is defined by 'this look'(of herself in the mirror with make up all over her face). She would be less comfortable whenever something happened to her face for she'll lose her self-esteem and she will negatively think on how people will be looking at her flaws.

Boys please tell them girls they are wrong.

Ok, at one point, girls don't look beautiful to attract men and that's simply wrong in the religion. But I myself personally, I'd be insecure to see my girls looked even more beautiful and I am simply dull. Or girls are easily attracted to beautiful things, so that does explains why girls would put big effort on trying to look beautiful.

Alright, I'm getting near to IB exam and I should start studying since my health is getting better.Its my third day of living in my house and I'm going back to the college tomorrow with many to-do-lists. Life will be busy, hectic, tiring and I'd be drown with many homework. Something that I'm familiar with, hehe.

Goodbye Kuala Lumpur, see you in another 2 weeks.