Dec 21, 2016

London : A City That Never Sleeps

I will never get bored of London. From watching theatres, studying in the British Library, highly caffeinated studying at King's Cross Starbucks, university hopping from Queen Mary - UCL - King's - LSE - Imperial to attend public lectures given by prominent speakers especially in legal field. I, definitely, never regret my decision on coming to London for three years( or more, for I am intending to study Bar and master's in human rights). That does not include my state of awe upon seeing plaques of Plato and Aristotle embedded in the Octagon building, which I realised only when taking exams for mid-sessional. And later at night, at some weeks, I attended Philosophy discussion at Bethnal Green with strangers, often led to a mind-blowing discussion and a room for myself to express my thoughts on Philosophy, a study that I fell in love although I did not manage to study further for my degree.

People may not know, and I did not even intend to tell everyone that I took Medieval History classes while studying Law. Crazy is it? But life is short, you gotta pursue what you like. I squeezed myself in between 9 am class for Contract Law and 11 am class for Public Law to attend Medieval History class at 10 am. I never knew how I did that, I just so happened to wake up in the morning finding that I need to study History and later, I met a lecturer who allowed me to attend his classes without any exams or assignments. Without any, trust me.

Sum up for first term? Interesting, tough, and yet has been very intellectually stimulating. 

"Why, Sir, you find no man, at all intellectual, who is willing to leave London. No, Sir, when a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford."
- Samuel Johnson

Dec 10, 2016


Wet, soaked in rain, and overwhelming love for Faisal Tehrani : Perempuan Nan Bercinta.

Dec 2, 2016

Personal Reflection on UKEC-EM Strategic Meeting

[Revisiting Thoughts on Strategic Meeting EM-UKEC]

Last week was a two day full of meetings for me. For less than a week from being appointed as an executive in the UKECatalyst, a new job just came - that is to prepare for a strategic meeting between 22 organisations of Malaysian students in the UK-Eire. From shaking hands to listening their thoughts, all are worthwhile. The spirits were overwhelming, all attendees were pumped up and ready for this one whole day meeting.

As I was appointed to be a note taker during breakout session is Students Activism & Intellectual Discourses, I choose to write it here of my personal reflection after jotting down student leaders' disappointment and probably to revamp intellectual discourses that has been flourishing among Malaysian students in the UK.

1.Misunderstanding that politicians are scholars, where politicians are merely a tool.
This argument was proposed by a lad from Independent School of Thinkers, that argue for some organisations inviting Malaysian politicians to come to London as part of their intellectual discourses. This is true, intellectual discourses cannot narrowed down to merely politics.It is too superficial and undeniably of less benefit to students' themselves.This leads to the idea of 'pseudo-intellectualism', where we shall discuss later.

2. "I am from a partisan organisation, but my event is of no political agenda."
It is ad hominem, really, that people often misunderstood events handled by Kelab UMNO London is to attract people to join them and that's not the case. Students must understand that although they are sponsored by political organisation in Malaysia, that does not mean it has underlying agenda meant to spread the political doctrine among Malaysian students in the UK.

3.Ineffective Intellectual Discourses
Suah Jing Lian, from LSE, proposed that inviting scholarly intellectuals should immense discussions and academically rigorous with research done by postgrads prior to the event. A better quality and higher output will be produced.But what about a layman attending an event to simply learn Economics? What about those who are not interested at all? How to reach them? As Faizul(UKEC) proposed, the idea is to identify the audiences targeted in the event. Some suggests more to restructuring the intellectual discourse, some suggests to increase the bar and metric, but in the end if it meets the objectives and target audience, that will be sufficient.

4. Students seeking for justice
"Advocation of justice, equality, human rights and everything in between does not necessarily mean you are a politician"(Dr. Borhan). As true as it is, students questioned the retaliation over students and citizens for speaking of justice and truth. As this is proposed by KPUM(Kumpulan Pelajar Undang-Undang Malaysia/ Students Association of Malaysian Law Students in UK-Eire), probably I could relate with Steven Thiru, the chairman for Malaysian Bar Council and his speech when he was at UCL. The intervention made by some elitist in Malaysia have made the movement to be more subtle, in the sense that students are constraint to adhering only to what is being told by their sponsors, and further restraining political activism and political maturity that should be nurtured among students.

5. Pseudo-Intellectualism
Do not fall trap in the pseudo-intellectualism.Inviting politicians simply not an intellectual discourse. Understanding the idea of intellectual and intellectualism should enlighten students' objectives prior to planning for an event. Students have various opinions on using partisan, non-partisan, or bi-partisan platform to address on making changes to Malaysia, but in the end the common interest is to have a better Malaysia despite different path that we choose.

6. "We are here with business attires, why are we too elitist when we say we are student leaders?"
Dear, defining formal and business attire is one thing. Undeniably true, i have seen Indonesians proud wearing their Baju Batik when attending formal functions, and yet, we Malaysians( and I myself) hardly would wear baju kurung/baju melayu. Are we less or even uncultured, at all? I remember I went to Malaysian Hall canteen and a stranger reminded me to not lose the Malay values. I questioned myself, what are the Malay values? Decency, politeness, modesty, respect for elders, speaking with good words and using proper language with underlying meaning if you want say something without hurting other people's feelings are part of being a Malay. It is superficial, really, to say that we are elitist just because we came to a formal function with business attire when we all share the same nationalities and the cultural values as Malaysians.

In the end, Malaysian students abroad share the same interest, same love and same passion to create a better movement for Malaysia. it was thought provoking day, I was tired, but the satisfaction was beyond imagination. Students in Malaysia should know that students abroad do care about our country, that we are not just here for travelling and spending money to go shopping. We have various students' movements and activism and we are optimist to building a better nation.

Disclaimer : This is merely the writer's opinion and does not represent UKEC.

Nov 8, 2016

Late Post : My International Baccalaureate Graduation

Its totally a late post - indeed! But I can't help to force myself and hence, a blog update and wondering if I were ever gonna survive tomorrow. To do IB, is by far, the hardest thing in my life and as complicated as taking a driver's licence. It was not easy and full of emotional roller-coaster that even if your parents decided to come and send you some foods - you could cry a flood(that happened to me guys, really).

At the very beginning, I was simply applying scholarships to study abroad. Many of those I did not meet requirement because although I got eleven A's - it was not strong enough to apply to prestigious scholarships. I finally ended up with MARA that brought me to Kolej MARA Banting. It was one quick step - from psychometric test, to interview, and finally I was among the chosen 300 people to study in one of the best IB World School. 

Then, I started googling everything about IB & KMB(Kolej MARA Banting). I started reading seniors' blogs - tips & tricks for passing IB - and eventually realising that passing the cut-off point is the real deal in IB because you're a sponsored student and you need to comply to a certain amount of point required by MARA (in this case : 35 points).

Well, of course I was very optimistic since the very beginning of doing IB. But the results were always stagnant and I kept on worrying if I could ever survived with at least 35 points. The thoughts were so overwhelming that I always had difficulties to sleep back then in KMB. Sometimes, it took me more than 3 hours only to make myself fall asleep. Sometimes, I did not sleep at all simply because I was busy completing Internal Assessments and Extended Essays. Life was tough and that's it, I was trying to give my all.

To my surprise, yes I passed with flying colours and now - am in London! I'm simply becoming a woman who is moreeee career-typed and now alhamdulillah I've been accepted for two City firms to become a Pro Bono Assistant. I kinda like the vibes in London somehow, and that makes me simply feel grateful that Allah has allowed me to go through all this and the IB itself - was worth the horrendous journey!

If there's any of juniors reading this  : 

Dearest all,
Of course IB is tough, because it is meant for people who worth to give it a try. That it also means that its gonna make you grow stronger, and makes you unleash all the talents you and so does makes you become a different person as you graduate as an IB Survivor.

I remember I barely know nothing about writing academic research, what's more doing the footnotes, citation et cetera, and now its on your fingertips! Those skills that you've been trying so hard to acquire, will be the skills that you already have in your hearts as you pursue you degree - a one step further than A level students.

People say that we are crazy - for we divide our time between 6 subjects, 180 hours of co-curricular activities and learning sort-of-philosophical thing about Theory of Knowledge for 2 years. But yes, crazy people will eventually be among of those who is better than anyone else. So, what's the harm of enduring 2 years that will shape who you are in the future?

I'm also gonna tell you that IB can take you, spiritually, to a whole new level. You will start reminding yourself that no matter how hard you try, it is God's decision that will determine everything. So do good to others, be kind and not to be selfish. We might have encountered such people who is selfish for their own time, but, sometimes we forget that we might be one of those who are so selfish of doing kind 'cause we are too busy typing drafts and drafts of IA's and EE's.

If I were given a second chance to do IB, I'd tell myself to count every blessings and every people that you meet. They are gems and beautiful-hearted people that you'll find it hard to encounter in your university life.

Basically that's it.Haha.All such random words & nanny's advice from me.


Oct 20, 2016

LLB Law in London

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone :)

Just happy and glad to tell you that I am finally in London for more than a month, alhamdulillah.
Remember how I used to rant over International Baccalaureate and how I was so intimidated of getting a placement? Its over ! I am now in reality of the dreams I used to have back then two years ago - to study abroad.

To be honest, living in London is the best decision thus far in my life. People might have asked me several times, ' why do I choose London? ' when London is known for its expensive cost of living and expensive rent too. My answer will always be - because there are just plenty of opportunities here.

What opportunities?
Since London is the center of United Kingdom where it has been rapidly developing and it is known for many top universities(other than Queen Mary University of London, hiks) i.e. LSE, UCL, KCL, SOAS and many more.. and almost everyday there are just a lot of public lectures given by prominent speakers and professors in their expert fields. For this main reason : it drove me here, to London. I feel that I want to make use my young time very well. I know I need to maximise everything and at the same time cherish every single moment that I have as a student studying in a well-developed country. Simple, I want to spend the scholarship given by my country for good!

One might just pick London to live as a city girl and they could not bear living in a kampung place like Warwick - but that's up to them. One too, might choose London because it has a lot of singers doing concerts here( it's true,guys). But nonetheless, whatever your intention does reflect your vision and mission. It depends on you, totally. But honestly to me, I know what business am I doing now and I am serious to create a good path for my future.

Other than that, 
I love London for there's just many opportunities to learn law. Recently, I received a good news from Pro Bono Society that I am accepted to work as a trainee at Dentons( a huge legal firm based in London) and the other internship for Corporate Law under Rare Recruitment. Really, I did not expect these to come at a time. I was simply give myself a try to apply as much as I can. Alhamdulillah too, that I am now under the process of working with HarperCollins to record on Malay IGCSE cd insyaAllah( just pray that the author liked my voice, hehe).

But, one thing for sure - I found what I have been looking for. I found exactly the happiness that I have been trying to fulfill and the contentment is such an overwhelming. I am glad to say that I have made the right decision and I'm truly enjoying my current life in London.

For many many excitements to come, insyaAllah.

Sep 6, 2016

How does it feels to survive?

I would mark 13th of August as an achievement of a lifetime - for graduating from International Baccalaureate successfully.

Well, probably not good enough for all. 37 point with an additional of 2 points from CAS + EE + TOK, still below 40 points that can be considered as excellent. Well, that's life. If you are good at something, you'll find that there are people better than you. Stop comparing and be grateful of what is yours. But that's exactly what happened in KMB; if you got above 35 points and below 40 points you are only dubbed as an IB survivor that secured a scholarship to abroad. If you got 40 points till 45 points, you're dubbed as an excellent and will be called on the stage to receive special reward.

How lucky they are - said someone.

I get it, it is their definition of success. To me, why do I have to feel regret for not doing well when I can now secure a placement to a university listed the third after Oxford and Cambridge ( according to Guardian)? Afterall. it is just a conventional ranking that does not represent the real definition of success in the Worldview of Islam. It is, indeed, a fake ranking that we deemed to follow just because everyone's making it as a benchmark. And with all due respect, why do we have to please everyone and make them look at us as though everything that we do should be up to people's expectations?

That's what I keep on telling myself.

That I do not need to be excellent just to make myself look good infront of the public. That I won't be doing something just to look good in the resume. I'm doing this and that for myself, for my own empowerment, and that I could be nearer to God with the knowledge I gained.

That's the ultimate definition of success I have put in my life.

For graduating after a horrendous 2 years in Kolej MARA Banting, I feel the satisfactory that I have done my level of best. That if I may turn back time, I would still choose IB and I'd continue doing it no matter come what may.

Maybe yes, maybe you will only find that it is hard when you're in it but once you are done - meh, it is just a piece of more hardships coming.

I may proudly tell myself that I survived and becoming a stronger and better woman of who I am today. I am a work in progress, but improving extensively.Alhamdulillah.

Aug 24, 2016

WISE Summer School

Remember about the story of my scholarship under UNRIBA? This is what I'm talking about, the WISE Summer School.

Many have been asking me, how do I know about this programme? What is it all about ?
Actually, I've always been attending Saturday Night Lecture held at Universiti Teknologi Malaysia at UTM Semarak, even during exam week. Sometimes the lecture will be given by Prof Zainy or Prof Wan, and seldom (and exclusively) presented by Prof. Naquib Al-Attas himself. I had the opportunity of attending both lectures from Prof Naquib Al-Attas & the students himself. The talk will be discussing on the books written by Prof Naquib Al-Attas and understanding about the Worldview of Islam. 

Through that, I received a pamphlete promoting about this summer school and I've been dreaming on attending it once in a lifetime, at least before I flew off to the UK. Turn out, my wish is granted by Allah and I successfully attended the full course of summer school while waiting this September for my undergraduate studies enrollment in London.


Day 1 : Enrollment and checked-in at Scholar's Inn. My roommate is an American Muslim from California, currently a student of Zaytuna College.

Before attending this course, there's this one pre-course assignment, on reading the Introduction to the Prolegomena To The Metaphysics of Islam and writing a summary of it, that should be hand-in right during the registration.




So cozy! We were literally staying here for a week!


The next day, I went for a breakfast provided by the hotel and yes, the food was good. Eating will always be an opportunity to discuss and make friends with other participants.


We have two lectures a day, one session in the morning and the other one is in the afternoon.


Some of the pictures of myself while asking questions to the Presenters. Bear in mind that most of the lecturers throughout the summer school are Professors & Dr, and the rest are PhD candidates. They are really good at presenting and precisely explain on the topics that were being handed at them. Also, you're free to ask questions and to discuss your thoughts if you want as it is allowed and permissible by the presenters.

Ok, too much formalities and spontaneous face reactions here.Hahaha ._.


Probably the luckiest girl ever for being able to visit here twice; once in the year 2015 when I was doing my Extended Essay and the other one is during WISE. Although I must admit the second visit is when I get to wander around the place and the halls. Much beautiful and astonishment for this beautiful place envisioned through Prof. Naquib Al-Attas' thoughts and ideas.

SPECIAL LECTURE : By Prof Naquib Al-Attas

Ah this one, I'm thinking on how lucky I was for this summer school this time around. I've had the chance to listen to his lectures three times; once at Sasana Kijang during the launching of his book On Justice & The Nature of Man and the other two was at UTM KL. 


I cant exactly remember of the topics discussed, but I'd summarise in my own word here :

Day 1 : Intellectual Movements
Day 2 : Logic
Day 3 : Didn't go
Day 4 : Journey as a CASIS Student ( A sharing session)

The coffee discussion is not obligated to all, so it is fine to either attend or not. It is just an initiative to ensure that participants will make use most of their time during the summer school. Personally to me,  I liked attending the discussion as it is informal and you get to sit anywhere you want and ask anything. 


I've had the best tutorial class thus far with Brother Muhammad Ikhwan and other mates that can be very mindblowing at times, at least to me. Maybe it was just fated for us to be together and share whatever we have in our mind during the tutorial classes. Brother Ikhwan, as usual, will always be entertaining our questions and queries with full of wisdom.

I didn't get to attend the closing ceremony, so I didn't know what was going on there. However, I felt blessed to be there and understand a bit of Worldview of Islam. Its a long way to go though, and yet the life after the summer school is only a beginning to an endless road of becoming a wiser Muslim.
Probably the best thing ever happened in my life for this year. Alhamdulillah.

Jul 17, 2016

A blessing after the other

Everyday reminds me to be grateful for what God has given to me for the past years. How beauty to see my life works according to His plan and to foresee(or I'd say : expect) that there's always a silver lining behind a rainbow.

Recently, I told my friends that I am on a cheapskate budget and I thought I should get to work in order to fund myself for WISE Summer School which costs me around RM 1500. I wanted to use my own saving in the beginning, but thinking that I might need them in the future - I thought that I really need to find a proper part time job. In the first place, I refused to do so thinking that I could do more with family during my holidays. I mean, house chores are something that I enjoy doing and I want to ensure that every time my parents came home from work, this house will be clean with no dishes in the sink and clothes are folded and kept in the closet. 

So I tried and hoped for a scholarship under UNRIBA which will only be given to 5 persons, provided that one should write an essay about Life without Riba(interest/loan). Alhamdulillah, I made it successfully and secured full scholarship to WISE Summer School this August insyaAllah.

Again, Allah blessed me with a good IB result that came out on first day of Raya (6th July 2016) on 8pm. Although I haven't even celebrate my Eid very well, but it was worth the wait. Alhamdulillah I got 37 from total points, successfully passed the minimum requirement set by MARA and the university I am applying to. Next day, an email came into my inbox informing me that I received an unconditional offer to Queen's Mary University of London, the university I've been dreaming to go since Year 1 at KMB.

So yes, Inshaallah I'll be enrolling to QMUL this September under a lawschool.

See you sometime,

Jun 23, 2016

Post IB

Where was I when IB exam ended?

I was, and still am, happily catching up with things I never( or hardly) get to do when I was in IB.

I mean, apart from being in love, I am happy catching up with my grandparents, my friends, Qur'an, reading good books, good foods, learning how to cook and finishing all house chores from A-Z.

The contentment, alhamdulillah is all I can say.

Right now I am not in KL so it feels so cool when you're able to escape the hustle bustle of taking LRTs, taxis and whatever that your routines are up to. I mean, yeah, look at your life when you're at kampung - all you do is read,write,sleep,waiting for prayer time, preparing meals, get to do qiamullail peacefully and the list goes on.

Although it feels quite weird that I am unable to attend many lectures and discussions in KL, but I find some sort of peace of mind as I stayed in the village for the fourth day.

It gives me a space for contemplation to make decisions and to peacefully think about things I never had the chance to think of. I think about what am I going to do next, how ready I am to be married to someone, is he the right person, should I accept his proposal, and what about my life if I cannot pass the cut-off points once IB result is announced?

There goes my Plato thinking, leading to many presumptions and fear of what is waiting for my future.Then, I'll silently tell myself that it's okay and we'll just follow the flow.

Here I am making my spiritual journey.
To let go of matters which I have no power to change or make, and let God do his work.
To silently pray before berbuka so that He'll ease every matter passing through my life.
To solemnly ask God to make me stronger no matter what come through.

"The Help of Allah is near.." [ Al-Baqarah :214]

Mar 25, 2016

On Mahler's Music

I love listening to music. Music as in, choices of song that will remind me of certain events, my childhood, high school years or I don't know..what seems audible to me.

I think music is a part of an art, and I love arts. I love coming to theater and watch without blinking, and yet I've never had the chance to attend orchestra.

However, last year on the end of the year, I decided to buy a ticket to Malaysia Philharmonic Orchestra(MPO) inside KLCC. It was exciting! I went with a friend of mine who plays violin, and she liked it too.

It was Gustave Mahler's Symphony. I've never heard of Mahler, but I do listen to Beethoven and Mozart. 

I don't how to say, but the whole thing is just beautiful. I spoke to Hajar(the friend that came with me);

"Babe, lepas I kahwin I nak date sini."
" Then you gotta marry a man who appreciates music."
"I know right! I hope he won't feel sleepy throughout the orchestra."

Too princessy right? But I really put this place in one of my wishlists of places to go right after I'm married. Of course, the hall is beautiful and extremely intricate. I did even write a few poem inside my notebook while listening to the orchestra :)

On my thoughts while re-listening to Mahler;

Seorang lelaki bernama Gustave Mahler, seperti Beethoven dan Mozart - seolah-olah memberitahu aku betapa lelaki tidak mampu untuk menyampaikan perasaannya dalam bentuk kata-kata. Sedalam mana cinta yang Mahler miliki kepada Alma, hanya mampu diluahkan dengan nota-nota muzik, akhirnya dimainkan dengan penuh perasaan oleh orang lain. 

Mungkin ada benarnya.Kadang kala cinta tak dapat diungkap sebagai sajak dalam bentuk kata-kata. Tetapi ditulis dalam irama dan dipanggil 'poet-composer', menghimpunkan aksara-aksara dalam bentuk nota muzik menjadi sebuah lagu - sebuah sajak yang lengkap untuk jiwa-jiwa yang mendalami.

Betapa sukar memahami hati seorang lelaki.

P/S : Pasca Mahler's Revelation, Philharmonic Orchestra.

As I listened to Mahler's Symphony, I feel the need to read the entire composed songs in a form of words. There must be a story behind a composed song, so much so that it inspires him to write it that way. Either the anger, anguish, the torment and agony of facing challenges - all a facade of each song written by Mahler. Without even a shred of doubt, each of the song recited at MPO was harmonically, structurally, orchestration wise and length wise. It defines a peak of emotion and expression instilled in human. Something about the music is speaking to me..I supposed!

I made some effort to google the life of Mahler; and he was not what I thought. He suffered from a psychosomatic nervous tic in his right leg and he was unable to move freely, and even inherited his mother's heart defect. I think that's how you come into getting respect from the world; through hell of life challenges that drives you to do nothing but excel.

That's all. I suddenly feel like talking about Mahler and my desire to go on a date at MPO next time.

p/s : Not that kind of date. Of course my kind of date will be with my bestfriend.

pp/s : Dear you,

You got me at,
"I love reading, especially with vanilla latte as the best companion.And listening to music, Mahler sometimes.Beethoven and Mozart everytime.Or any orchestra will do." 

Mar 22, 2016


Countdown IB exam : I lost count.40 days? I don't know.
Countdown to 20 year old : 16 days

It just feels like spilling. I don't know why, but it just feels that way. But I've always succumbed by own thoughts and monologues, hardly expressed by words. Rather explaining it is hard, or even worse, that there's no word to explain what I ought to tell.

Situation is a bit catastrophe to me. Almost everything comes at the wrong time and I feel dizzy over it. Sometimes in my life, I wish I could pick and choose things and events to happen at the right time, right moment, and at my very right feeling.

As I am about to reach 20 year old( and that is a signal that I am no longer young), there are few events escalated too quickly. I won't tell, but it is just dramatically escalated in my life event. So much so that I really need to run on the escalator of life just to keep myself at the same point as I am running my daily business.

Anyway, I came across reading Buya Hamka Tafseer Al-Azhar; and I think the tafseer was eloquent and well-written in words. It fits me at the right situation every time I flipped through the book. MasyaAllah, He's really teaching me something.

And, alhamdulillah I've passed my JPJ test after god-knows-how-many-times-I've-tried. So happy that now I'm driving KL - KMB and even to Kuala Selangor at night without a 'P' yet. Happy as I could drive my family to whereever they wish to go, at least I could lessen their tiredness of driving. Bless is just therefore, an underestimate.

" I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now" - said anonymous

One week back, during my mid semester break, I went(I mean, I drove :p) to UIA just to see my girls! How they've all grown up so fast and beautiful and I feel old reminding old days where we were so rebellious back then.

It was so random that one of my friend invited me to go and listen to Islamic Worldview class, and I have no doubt at all to join in. Worse comes to worst, I met an old friend during primary school that we were once captain for handball together. We didn't get to see each other often, but I could still remember how I greeted him the first time after four years as we got first place for PMR result in Negeri Selangor. He's a great debater in English and Arab now, but he used to be one lame joke that I often talked with back then 8 years ago. Things just work too fast, and I keep on holding to sentimental and memories.

Alright, I get to go. Chemistry exercises await and with 41 days left to IB exam - I shouldn't be wasting my time. For those who has always been loyal to read my blog( I know there are), thank you but there's nothing useful here. Just some random spilling and scattered thoughts that I keep to be shared publicly. Some great matters, I keep it to self. Some personal events, I will write in a book that I keep with me.

Your prayers is highly appreciated.

Mar 11, 2016

Women's Day and My Superwoman

I have a mother who is very much career-oriented, and actively involved with so many things beyond her job as a lawyer. I grew up accompanying her to court in the very early of morning( and I'm totally not a morning person), or tagging along her to various of events.I'm very much well-known among her friends, allowing me to get extra-popularity(?) and more duit raya(?), heh. She's a multi-tasker; a mother, a good cook, a lawyer, a chauffeur and somebody else's clinging place to ask for help/legal advice/opinion/you name it.

I get it that a woman does not necessarily have to be at kitchen as I grew up seeing my mother doing many things beyond a kitchen. Though I am well-aware of old people who kept on saying that we girls belong to the kitchen that we do not need to attain higher education as we'll end up being a cook. Social fabric has determined that woman is often associated to doing house chores as they choose to be a wife, but that's not just it.

I once had a good conversation with my friend. Her mother is not good at multi-tasking, therefore their family have been hiring a bibik that will be doing all their house chores. But not until the bibik said she wanted to go back to her hometown, Indonesia. She was afraid if her mother couldn't make it as her mother is a working mom, and never used to being good at both working and doing house chores. I smiled and said, 

" Hey girl, our mothers are superwomen. They are just one tough adamantium, made up in an amazing way that they have such an instinct - to do the very best in whatever they need to do."

and wow, I'm referring to my own mother to be honest.

My mother is a working mom since I was born and up until today - she's one tough woman who keep on pursuing what she loves to do.Growing up looking at her, I could never imagine how does it feels like when a woman was told to just be in the kitchen when they are educated, highly-skilled, and can even stand as high as a man. Had I told you that my mom joins politics too? Hehe. So, I don't understand some social stigma that proposes woman to be inactive when I know that this society will be better having them empowered.

 I understand, totally understand how tired she is at the end of the day, and I couldn't do anything to help reduce her fatigue. I totally don't understand how she'll make time attending Parents-Teachers meeting, picking me up at boarding school & colleges( sometimes, I had to ask her to pick or send me due to big luggage causing immobility) and making time listening to me whining. Dear god, is she a god-sent from Heaven to help me in this Earth?

As a daughter to a working mom, I have to keep myself emotionally stable. Why? Because she might came back home feeling tired and everything will go wrong in the house. I have to mentally prepared when she could not pick up my phone call when she needs to entertain her clients' problems which are apparently bigger than mine, and yes, sometimes I feel like she loves her clients more than me. But then again, I had to put myself in her situation. I can't do both thing at the same time, talking to her daughter that will relentlessly converse about unimportant things and at the same time solving some legal issues. You know right? I realized that she has always been there everytime I'm on stage to receive awards and good examination results, and I know, deep down in her heart, she feels so relieved that I have become a good product to console her from the guilt of becoming a working mom.

I know she won't realize I've grown up to become a young woman, and she may have missed out many moments of my life; the rebellious teenager years, the pre-menstrual syndrome, and many more. But she'll make time sleeping next to me while cuddling my hair and audible enough for me to listen her said,

"dah besar panjang anak mummy."

Nothing else is inspiring than to see my own mother working hard to be balanced in both worlds; a mother and a lawyer.She has been through so many hardships and hurdles before building her own empire, a legal firm that she insisted me to replace her right after I graduated with a degree. One of the reason for me to choose doing Law for my undergraduate studies, yes. She has put so much to be the best mother and the best lawyer and I could not say no to her wish, and I'm fine though being a lawyer in the future. 

This International Women's Day highlighted so many women in this world that is highly recognized, but my mother is an unsung hero, to me. I could not deny that my mother deserves to be recognized for all her hard work and effort to become a great woman, and believe me that all our mother deserves to be one. I'm gonna tell all the modern women out there to keep yourself going, achieve great things and be a proud mother of your kids too! We understand your career and your struggles in juggling between two worlds, and we'll support you with love and prayers.

I never stop praying for my mother to always be in a good health, blessed with sustenance and will always be guided under the provision of Allah. 

Mar 10, 2016

On Stage #KMBLife

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
As I'm writing this, I am getting near to the final exam with many horrendous yet unexpected events coming in i.e. I have to amend my economics commentary and my Business Management IA too got rejected after 4th drafts.

God save me,please.

Anyway, last two weeks I went to Kolej Professional MARA Seri Iskandar for a formal event held by MARA. Good thing is that I don't have to go to class on Friday and I got to travel to a place I've never been before. Yey! I was informed that I will be getting an award, but it was unclear and I didn't expect anything high. All I know that I'm going out of college for a gateaway and I will be having a good dinner, that's it.

Alhamdulillah, I guess Allah is so kind that He bestowed me with many uncountable blessings and this too, is a part of His love to me. I'm grateful that as my name was announced on the stage, I got third place for the main award of the night. Ok la, third place out of all students in Kolej MARA and Kolej Professional MARA, hehe. And to begin with, I only send my CV with few of reports I did while keeping my CAS record so it wasn't even a hassle process to me. I encouraged several of my friends that I know has the potential to win the award, but I didn't know that I'm among the chosen one.

I guess that's the good thing of this life - a competitive and encouraging relationship among my friends in KMB. We never envy each other, but in a way, I do feel sad that one of my closest friend didn't make it to at least shortlisted for the award.

If I were to recall my 2 years of journey in KMB, I've always had a productive weekend with joining Model United Nations. If not, then I'll be joining other things under PKPIM( Persatuan Kebangsaan Pelajar Islam Malaysia) or attending Saturday Night Lecture. I got invited to speak out at certain roundtable discussions and events, so it is really helpful for me to fill in CV(curriculum vitae), and beyond that, I can even improve myself to better.I've always have something to do.

Was among those who were shortlisted. I feel so short!

Yet again, I was told to stand in between two tall boys. 

These four boys are among those who won for CSR in Malaysia and overseas.

Lovely whole bunch of Kolej MARA Banting lecturers, teachers and students.

There goes one happy girl. I got third place for the main award of the night : Anugerah Kecemerlangan Kokurikulum

" Let me see teacher, if it is either real glass or not."

Taking pictures with Kolej MARA Seremban girls. They are amazing bunch of A-level students and they even congratulate me after the event despite not knowing each other.

All in all, I personally feels that students should less care about doing co-curricular activities just to write it down on your CV. I think it is more about improving yourself,  your skills and enjoy your free time with something. My involvement with many volunteering activities has widened my horizen, made me meet many awesome bunch of people that I never knew about. And hey, what's loss you have if you could make use of your energy and young for something beneficial?

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

Mar 5, 2016

Post Unhealthy Allergy

I've been sick for the past three days. I woke up after a tiring class in the afternoon to a form of allergy(I'm not sure either) that can be obviously informed by many small dots on my face. It feels so uncomfortable and I looked like a zombie that I don't feel any confident to go out of the room.

I told my mother of this matter, and she said that no one is looking at me. So I might as well get my life going, she said. But the allergy gets worse and I could not do anything except to see doctor in any nearest time.

So on Thursday evening, after receiving consent from TPHEP(Students' Affairs) I am finally home after two weeks. It ain't that cherishing, as I was totally bedridden with few pills that I took to cure the dots on my face, and I was forced to take juice and fruits for breakfast. It's just totally sickening as I could not even sit properly to study due to head ache coming along with flu and still some dots on my face!

So today I met a dermatologist to inform my problem and he gave some medicines. Afterall, I've never had any issue with allergy so it's kinda weird for the first time handling this matter.

But oh, no, that's not my first issue to highlight.

But my second point is how I have lost some confidence when I feel less beautiful. Apparently, during the sick time I could not bother how I looked like. I could not even wear a matching tudung with my blouse, and I did not put anything on my face as I usually do.

When I went out to see my doctor, only then I put on some powder and cream to my face to cover up the dots that came all of sudden. Doctor verified by asking me, "Oh you letak some cream on your face ke?" I nodded and say yes I did.

How I realized my confidence level was easily snatched away by looking less beautiful. No, it is not even a good sign to me. To me, a woman is beautiful as she is in no matter how she looked like, with or without make up, as long as she feels comfortable with herself. But, however, I am still thrilled by how I easily got lost when I feel less beautiful by other people's look. Hey dear, what's with your confidence? What's with the Balqis that is known for her bravery and courage no matter of came what may? 

I poorly looked at myself and how my dependency goes to self-appealing look and appearance, the existence of some make up that I've just learned to do so since last year( I'm turning 20 years old and people will call a woman instead of a girl, so I had to learn, no?). But, that's how woman will change over time.

They first thought they are beautiful the way they are, not until they are exposed to make ups. Then, as she learns how to wear make up, she started to believe that beautiful is defined by 'this look'(of herself in the mirror with make up all over her face). She would be less comfortable whenever something happened to her face for she'll lose her self-esteem and she will negatively think on how people will be looking at her flaws.

Boys please tell them girls they are wrong.

Ok, at one point, girls don't look beautiful to attract men and that's simply wrong in the religion. But I myself personally, I'd be insecure to see my girls looked even more beautiful and I am simply dull. Or girls are easily attracted to beautiful things, so that does explains why girls would put big effort on trying to look beautiful.

Alright, I'm getting near to IB exam and I should start studying since my health is getting better.Its my third day of living in my house and I'm going back to the college tomorrow with many to-do-lists. Life will be busy, hectic, tiring and I'd be drown with many homework. Something that I'm familiar with, hehe.

Goodbye Kuala Lumpur, see you in another 2 weeks.

Feb 28, 2016

Of Feminism and A Virtuous Man

Of Oh Wonder - Without You and my neck pain.

I was asked by my girlfriend(I mean, literally my friend with female gender) that we've been a classmate since our first year in KMB. A nice friend, helpful when you need it the most and beautiful just as her heart is. She asked me on how I define a virtuous man, as I may have different pov(point of view) than her. Have I told you she's a feminist? Have I told you she protect us girls very much?

I took a small breathe and let it out in silence.

"A virtuous man to me, he realizes that in a patriarchal organisation, would never misuse his power.Would never dominate me and assign himself as a dictator that would make decision for me. He should know about girls power, my power, and respect that we too need to make decision. A virtuous man that intrigued me, is a man who'd give seats to women in the train, though people will question that even a woman is able to stand in the train like a man does. It is not about equality, it is about how a woman need to be respected. I'm more than happy if my man realizes how gentle it is for a man to give seat amidst the full train to woman, and would open the door for a woman. "

Until I realized, had I just set a standard for a man that I'm going to be married with? Hah, yes I just did.

I guess girls today know what they want. They would never want to be stopped for things they know they want to do and they afford to, and they do not want to be seen as weak.

But I personally looove the idea of a gentle man, that I thought it must be cool for my little brother to learn to be one. Well okay, I have to teach him to be one.

This is a random post, that I intended to write before studying starts.

Countdown to IB : 64 Days Left

Feb 15, 2016

In a very unproductive weekend....

This week was too much consuming my energy, despite the class started on Wednesday due to Chinese New Year.
I've had to catch up with many deadlines, final after final drafts(sigh, there's always a final after the very final draft). 

But anyway, during the chinese new year holiday, I received a conditional from Birmingham University. Alhamdulillah! Something that I've been longing for quite some time since all my classmates have received theirs. On Wednesday and Thursday - I was so depressed knowing that similarities result for my Extended Essay was 21% that I had to figure out to amend all over again.
Even I decided to fast without a proper sahoor, as I had to save time doing my assignments.It was totally hectic, I never think I've been through a day like that in KMB for the past 1 year ago. To add the drama, I overslept in the evening that I did not take food at Dewan Selera. Yes, I only have a biscuit and milk to break the fast, but alhamdulillah there's this one friend of mine who helped out taking the food during the boys' turn(in KMB we have different time for boys and girls to take the food).

Anyway, I was blessed with conditional offers from Queen Mary University London and Manchester University at the same Thursday morning! Another thing to be thankful for.

And after one whole night of not sleeping at all doing my extended essay, I can now sleep happily after the final copy sent to my supervisor. Yeyy! I had three cups of coffee that lasted until the evening of the next day. Haha!

And for these two days of unproductive weekend, I'm jut being happy doing stuffs like reading and finishing homework. A little bit of longer sleep and good rest, just as a self-reward :)

Just so you know, I'm counting days to IB exam : 76 DAYS LEFT.

Life has always been amazing and exhausted at the same time,
and I thanked Allah for answering my prayers to be accepted in one of London Uni.
I've always wanted to go to London school, and I prayed every day, even asked my parents to pray for me.I guess its their prayers that Allah has answered.

Can't wait for another chapter in my life, may Allah ease~

Jan 30, 2016

Travelling to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah.

It was a spontaneous decision to finally buy a ticket and flew off to KK within two weeks.
I met my old friend at driving school and asked her if she would like to follow me on a tight travelling budget and she agreed. As I knew someone that we met at Saturday Night Lecture from Sabah, I asked her to help me out with itineraries and hotel bookings, as I was busy settling down with assignments and some other events happening during the school break.

First Day.

Overnight at the airport. Took the last ERL at 12.30 am as I was from UTM around 11.30.
Only at the KLIA2 I managed to unwind after running here and there (from TEDx at Subang Jaya to Saturday Night Lecture at UTM) and slept for less than 1 hour at Dome KLIA2.

Cost :
Erl : RM 22
Dome : RM 12 (bought affogatto)

Reached KK airport and Hajar's father took us to Grand Borneo Hotel. Slept there for a night. Good thing about this hotel as it was set next to a shopping mall, which is easy for us to buy things and get foods. Afternoon was spent for sleeping, as I was too tired after staying up all night and improper sleep in the airplane.

Cost : RM 120 for two  ( RM 60 per pax)

Dinner at waterfront. With breathtaking sunset view, it was just mesmerizing to have dinner there while watching Allah's beautiful creation of sunset!

Food for three : RM 45 
(Big portion, satay, nasi goreng kampung and delicious drinks)

Then we walked to Oceanus, Imago and had some coffee at Nunpat Imago Kota Kinabalu.

The price for coffee, lattes and bingsu worth just the same as Peninsular Malaysia. Ah well, at least you've gotta what you like the most - green tea frappe :)

Green Tea Frappe : RM 15

And.. Phillipine Market near to Waterfront

Bukit Bendera view at night.Summing up the whole city at Kota Kinabalu.

Day 2.

From Kota Kinabalu to Kundasang. Visited Kaki Gunung Kinabalu and managed to take some pics. It was cold and no you cannot enter the passageway for climbers unless given the consent to do so.
It was closed when we visited this place, due to the earthquake happened last year.

The road was a bit topsy-turvy but the scene worth coming.

Fees : None

Kundasang Memorial Park 
Entrance Fee : RM 2 ( if I'm not mistaken)

Our Guesthouse.

We slept here. Fit in for three in this one room. The house was exceptionally beautiful with Astro channel, cooking utensils and what more you need!

BBQ  for dinner.
RM 18 per pax x 4 = RM 72

Day 3.
Its Desa Cattle Farm Day!
For only RM 6 per entry, we could go all day long watching breathtaking view of cows and goats having their own 'me - time'.Lol.

 Also, we went to Pulau Manukan, Sabah.
Fees : RM 140 per boat

One of the mosque in Likas, Kota Kinabalu :

Fourth Day

Back to Kuala Lumpur.

So far, the journey went very well and good. I personally would like to say thank you to Hajar Deen, a friend of mine who helped us with car, hotel bookings and providing itinerary for Me & Ieman.

Dear Sabah, I wish to come again and explore other places :)