May 21, 2015

Ever feels like quitting?

For god knows how many times.
But I keep on going.Tears,sadness,sleep deprived,hungry yet you can choose either to eat or to sleep.
Then,you'll start losing the meaning of entertainment or leisure.Leisure means nothing,except when you're able to get 6 hours of sleep,that's your definition of leisure.

Its been more than 8 months I am here in KMB.Kolej Maha Busy they said,no doubt I'd say.
Surely there are ups and downs.More to downs actually.Times when you do a lot of revision yet the standardized test marks may not be on your side.Times when you start thinking of a lot of research for your IB in every subjects.

You'll feel like quitting.
You'll feel like,ok that's it.I'm out.
But you start forcing yourself back on track.Out of no reason.Sadness and giving up is just not your option,as you've sacrificed alot for this foundation programme.

But you know,Allah is The All Knowing.There will always be someone that you know will be by your side to calm you down when you're depressed,tensed,and feels like crying(oh yes,when you have already bursts out too).Sometimes,He sends wind to you,so that you'll feel like He's hugging you,and say that's okay.

I am now here at the end of my 2nd semester exam.2 more semesters to go,before being IB survivor.1 year to go,before making the dream to fly a reality.

Deep in me,is some kind of sadness I must say.
I'm like down and fell in a ravine,that no one's holding my hand to save me.I'm vulnerable,and everything seems to be so complicated and sensitive.
Seeing someone smiling back to me,touched me.
Talking to someone and they make jokes so that you may laugh,appreciated.
Every small things happened,you look at it as a bless.
I guess being stressful makes you appreciate things around you more,and closer to Him.

I can't be more happier when Mom brought me to renew passport,at the same time I had my Green Tea Frappe(longing for 3 weeks meh!) and a cup of cappucino.So chilling,and I feel like rejuvenating.

I can't be more happier when Dad wake me up every morning at 3 am so that I could wake up and do revision.Guess who's hardly to pick up her dad's phone call,over sleeping at 1 o'clock,expecting to wake up at three am?

Dad's patience made me smile over and over again.Sometimes,more than 14 misscalls.Sometimes,I lied that I've already wake up so that he won't call me back.

I'm tired.But everyone here in KMB,does too.
I'm struggling,but its not for myself.I'm struggling for the best result so that I wont be a slander to my own Deen.So that I could show that Muslims are genius and diligents.So that I could go to UK and back with a pack of knowledge.

Ya rabb,its totally hard.You know IB is hard.
I've tried to talk to several of my friends,but sooner I realized that they won't understand your pain.
They're not taking IB so what advice would you expect?(not to put them down,just because they don't take IB).When I tried to talk to my colleagues and classmates over matters regarding IB,we ended up sharing the same pain.

So,I realized - the only thing is to talk to Allah.Allah knows best,what is the best remedy for me.
Because surely,humans may not give medicine to heals your heart or they might give the wrong one.
Its only and solely Allah who knows better what's in my heart,and I started to talk to Him in my prayers.Telling Him how difficult life is,for its ups and downs.Telling Him so much chores to be done,yet so little time I owned.

Today I have khatam my Quran for em,I couldn't remember.9?10?
But that's okay.Khatam Quran while doing IB is such a big achievement for me.
Next thing is,to rememorize surahs in Quran that I left without revising.

Till then,goodbye :)