Dec 26, 2015

My Driving License Story

I am still in the middle of learning.Its been more than 1 year and half, as far as I concern.

My first computer test was done three times until I finally passed the minimum marks set by JPJ. I took the test a month or so after my National Service and I passed it two months after due to my busy schedule of coaching a debate team in my previous school. Yes its true, I had to undergo three times of computer test before I could finally make it to the next level.Did I not study? I did. Did I not do the practice in the book? I did.From cover to cover.

As I finally passed the computer test, I registered for my 'L' driving journey.

My first driving teacher is a man. That was not what I choose for it to be, but it happened that he's the only one available according to my schedule.So, by hook or by crook, I had to choose him to complete by 'L' license.

The training was a bit hard. He could play with his mobile phone without even looking at me driving, and would sometimes smoke in the car.When I did wrong, he would simply put on his hands on my hands holding the steering and I had to let it be as I was in training.Of course I would never allow any man to simply hold my hands, and I never even do that, so I talked to the driving school that I wanted a female driving teacher.

I never met that male teacher again.

My female driving teacher was even horrible. She would yell and scream in the car every time she gave instructions, and never behold to her anger. I wonder if I come to the driving school only to be yelled instead of to be taught, as I hardly get to fit in her way of teaching. I can't get compliment every time I do good, and the only thing that I could do is to drive under pressure which would lead me to follow her instructions instead of I myself discover the right thing to do when driving. I am not that demanding person, but having a teacher which would non-stop yell at you for two hours, and all-in-all 16 hours in total(yes I add up few hours to my sessions as I am not confident enough) and that's just not sufficient for me to learn & adapt in the learning process.

I thought having a female teacher would make things better. But I'd end up crying on the junction whenever I have practical driving on the road with her, and it did swallow me to the lowest point in my life. That was the time when I hope that everything should end as fast as I could, and I pray that I never go to the same driving school anymore.

My first driving test was horrible. I did not even pass road session and circuit session, both.
My second driving test was pretty good. I passed the circuit, but I did not make it on the road session.
My third driving test was not as I expected, I failed again on the road session.Oh and I changed my driving school too -___- I only practice 4 times on the road before the test after 6 months of not holding the steering, and that was just not a good sign of mentally prepared for the test.
The biggest reason why I had to change my driving school is because I am traumatized, and I could not even step foot to the previous driving school. Whenever I told my journey of taking driving classes with the second teacher, I'd shiver to my voice. It hit me hard, and I'm recovering until now.

I personally quite unsure if I am either a late-bloomer or I started the hard way.My 1 and half year of driving school journey was a long gap as I am studying in the college, and I cannot commit to driving classes as fast as others.That's another thing.But I guess I'm fine if I have to categorize myself as a late-bloomer, because you cannot be good in everything don't you? some things in this life require you to learn the hard way before you could cry tears of happiness after getting through it.

Alhamdulillah, I'm all good(not that good,I cried everytime I failed in the test,heh). But I do need your prayers, of anyone reading this, to pray that I could pass the next test in less than two weeks. I need the driving license to help out my parents, and help my siblings too, as they are growing up and going to the boarding school next year. Hope that Allah will ease the journey.InsyaAllah :)

Nov 29, 2015


Received this earlier(last 9 days ago) on my,

Assalamualaikum. Can I know why do you want to be a MPP at kmb last year?


Waalaikumussalam. The question was rather challenging to say. 
I am someone who gets so spirited when it comes to leadership. I'm serious, I think leadership is a big deal. It will determine the environment you're going through for 2 years(referring to college) and that's the utmost reason why I took the form that brought me to an election process, a small election, in MARA College Banting.

The small election, as adjective as it is, is still a big deal to me. I put the highest effort to make it true by preparing myself the best manifestations and speech, and asking help of some of my closest friends to put up the posters across college.

I enjoyed the whole process.

Prior to that, I wasn't even intended to be a part of MPP (or Students Representative Council). But then, I was asked to do so. Many, yes many, relied on me to go for the election. I received many support and encouragement, and that brought me up to the next level. No, I am not willing to break the heart of many, hence the action was done to make everyone felt happy with it.

As I took the form and I was driven by the spirit to make change, I didn't take the risk with it. The risk of losing in the game. I just naive and what  I merely was, If I did something wholeheartedly, God will return the favour.

But, no I did not win the election.  Still, I know that God knows best, and He returned me the favor in many beautiful ways. That being said, I involved in many other events outside the college, in a bigger scope - and that filled up most of my leisure time.

The support and encouragement was still there. After the list of 'winners'(or rather the people who are going to be responsible as the next MPP) was announced at 12 am, I cried all night long. You know, that all night long did not stop there. I fed up with everything, I did not have the courage to even go to class. I was pale and unwilling, all the time, to socialize or talk to anyone. Everyone worried, but hey, that's the par of how important I am among my friends :)

Truth to be told, 
I was that girl who thought to make a change is easy, as long as you have the power. But the next thing I learn, you can always make an impact without having to own a power. Many have shown that they can make a change without wearing a crown, and that's just true in reality. I must say, you too, should know that everyone contribute differently. If you have a big heart with a big dream, you can always achieve what you dream of, because in the end, people who have the power would have the tendency to misuse the crown he/she is wearing.

To be an unsung hero is not easy.
You're truly a dark shadow shaded in between many.
But that's alright. As long as you have the sincerity, you don't mind not being known or not gaining popularity from it.

But if you are really going through the MPP process, and really want to be a part of it,
I won't stop you. If I told everyone to not be, then who's going to be officially leading the whole college,no?

Hope this short post at 4.31 am will find you the answer.

Oct 27, 2015

The Thought : Living For Two

Lately, I've always pondering about the thought of having the other one in my life. It is way early than my current life phase now, I know. But  the real fight is to remain on the safe side as you're struggling with your studies, yet some of  your colleagues are in the middle of relationship or preferred to talk about lovey-dovey thingy. Of course, I don't mind to talk about it - for its natural that you're inclined to different gender. But it tempted me to go for the 'ship' before marriage and that's what something I've been avoiding to.

Then, the thought of 'the ifs' come afterwards. Like, really. It came spontaneously. 
What if the guy I'm married to someday is going to make me feel guilty for choosing him? What if I can't cook and he would leave me because of my dish? What if I want to work in UK after degree and he wants to work in Malaysia? Are we going to be separated, then? What if he cannot accept me for who I am - as I may not be ideally good as any others. I sometimes feel so lazy taking care of my own appearance. I sometimes too lazy to fold blanket before going to class. I sometimes too lazy to wash my clothes, and I'll wait until weekend so that I'd get ample time for it.

All those what ifs are too overwhelming to me. 
But the ultimate question is : Do I even have someone responsible to rely on?

I'm a good observer. I've seen how many men out there are not responsible and mean towards the girls. Whenever I am in the train, I will look at men who would rather sit than giving it to old ladies or girls who need it even more than him. I've heard and read many cases, that men do not give enough monetary term to their wives, rather would pass the responsible of taking care the family needs to working wives. 

And the thought is provoking me to stop thinking of living for two, because the probability to find a nice man may seems to be too subtle. I may be pessimistic this time, but as a girl - I counted that my life span that will be spent for marriage life is more than living single, and that's long to sustain.

I don't know. I'm just afraid that whatever that comes after this, may not be sustainable for me. Of course, an Economist would always think of what can be sustain in the long run, and that's the ultimate goal of economics. But yup, marriage may not be sustainable or sweet as it is. Marrying the wrong guy would lead to divorce or fight that will end up the ties, and that's what I'm avoiding to. Never wanted to.

That is when I realized I think too much. I have to be more relax, as its always a long way to go for me. 

So, the idea of a sustainable and long term relationship has put me to believe that a quality and ideal man that I'm looking for should not be based on looks, rather his personality. How he'd put forward his family before anything else, how he would think that career should not set aside his time for family, but that should not makes him less-career type of man.

Love can sometimes more complex than meiosis.
Or maybe I am even more complex than meiosis.
Or maybe both :)

This post is just my  random thought. Trust me.

Oct 17, 2015

Post Melbourne Trip.

Rasa macam dah lama dah pergi. Tapi takpe, cerita jugaklah untuk panduan orang lain.
Alhamdulillah, haritu dapat pergi Melbourne, Australia.Seminggu sebelum masuk Ramadhan. 
Naik Air-Asia dengan last minute ticket yang very costly sebenarnya, tapi okayla sebab guna duit Puan Ibu kan hehehe=)

It was 6 days trip campur perjalanan pergi balik.

First Day

Melbourne Tullamarine Airport

Nando's di Melbourne Airport. Only serve halaal food at 10 am.

So we stayed here, apartment dekat sangat dengan Victoria Market. Kalau convert ringgit Malaysia, boleh dekat RM1000 semalaman. We stayed here for three nights. Tapi best sebab boleh masak sendiri apa semua. Nak beli lauk dengan rempah boleh turun apartment dan jalan kaki ke Victoria Market.

"Out of all the flowers, you are still my bae" - Gedik sangat -__-

Beli salmon, rempah dengan buah-buahan untuk dinner. Masa pergi ni musim winter. Faham-fahamla winter ni memang menggemukkan sebab senang lapar.Eh ke aku sorang? :P

Second Day

Hari kedua ni pergi Melbourne Zoo je. Itupun sesat sebab tak mahir lagi guna trem.Tengok map pun tak reti. Penat tanya orang tapi akhirnya berjaya pun sampai zoo.

Mungkin untuk yang nak pergi sini, kena study dulu cara nak gunakan map. Or at least tahu colour coding bagi laluan trem. Macam nak City Circle Trem, memang free dan akan lalu bahagian bandar Melbourne.

Apalah Australia tanpa Kangaroo :')

Bila dah balik tu, dah gelap dah pun.Padahal baru pukul 5 petang. Winter memang siang cepat sangat dan malam pulak memang panjang.Jadi, disebabkan aku kempunan mencari benda-benda yang menarik dan melihat bandar, I took a brisk walk yet adventurous ke arah Flinders St.

Masala ni berdosa? Kesiannya!

Ya rabbi..dapnya dapat nasik!
Bayangkan makan salmon fish dengan nasi putih duduk apartment.
Tapi masak salmon pun salmon kari.
Perut melayu sangat!

Ni lah salmon hasil dari rempah beli di VM :)

K, jumpa syurga dunia. Dekat-dekat dengan Bourke St.

Lepastu jalan lagi lepas balik apartment.
Wednesday night market di Victoria Market.

Third Day.

Third day tak ingat sangat buat apa.Eheh. Tapi yang pastinya pergi area Flinders Street sebab nak beli buku dan lawat Holsier Lane. Tak lupa juga, pergi kedai-kedai yang jual kopi murah dengan harga $1 sahaja! Best sangat. Laneways dekat sekitar Melbourne pun memang penuh dengan coffee shops.


Flinders St.

Hosier Lane.

Typo dia memang banyaaak pilihan. To die for la tengok journal and buku-buku nota dia :')

Federation Square. Lapar sangaatt. Sebab banyak jalan dan musim winter, jadi makan tepi jalan je.Guna tangan pulak tu.Sangat Melayu :P

Petang-petang pula berpicnic depan hotel.Literally depan hotel sebab ada park yang sangat cantik :)

Strolling strolling at the park :)
Fourth Day

Pagi-pagi lagi dah checkout untuk ke Great Ocean.
Sebelum tunggu checkout, jalan-jalan VM lagi untuk hot chocolate.

MasyaAllah, border green and blue.
Sangat-sangat cantikk :")

Dan sejuk, of course.

 Idea siapa ni makan tepi pantai masa winter.
Berketar tak rasa tangan dah :'')

 Our trip ended at this hotel.Sebab dekat dengan airport.

All in all, we went there without any tourist guide. Sebab anglophone country kan, nak risau apa.Cuma kena risau kalau tak faham Australian accent jela, atau risau sebab bila orang-orang OZ bagi direction - aku rasa overvague sangat. Macam kata dekat, tapi sebenarnya 30 minit jalan kaki. Sabar jela anak-anak. 
 Bagi 5 bintang untuk Melbourne, yey!

Sep 24, 2015

Man In The Mirror

Maybe its now the right time to ask the man in the mirror,
For how many times have you failed yourself,
Ranting about changing the world,
But yet - never start with self.

Maybe the man in the mirror should know,
The world is a reflection,an image to an object whose standing infront of the glass,
And that's you.

How do you think to make a change,
When all you can do is to sip a cup of coffee and claiming that this world is in fiasco,
You're a good observer don't you?
But an observer will never be a contributor;
For a contributor needs effort and energy to be sacrificed.

Then the man in the mirror should walk out,
and see his own shadow
Under the sun - where the refugees are fnding shelter relentlessly,
nation to nation
sea to sea
but no welcoming doors are open.

Then the man in the mirror should stay on the streets
Where homeless people sway
and that hungry faces keep on asking for pity
From humans that will never know about humanity.

So the man in the mirror will never be
A man in the mirror
Because he's now never a reflection,
Or  a shadow,
Because he's making little changes to make the dream comes true.

Aug 30, 2015

Being a professional muslimah.

I have always wanted to share this - on how to be professional.
Maybe some of you know,some of you don't know that I participated quite a number of times involving in local and international summit/conferences.It wasn't that easy.Even when it is being held somewhere in Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia.Because we are all diversed in background and some are not even originally from Malaysia.Mingling with these people really helps me a lot in terms on how I bring myself to the public and at the same time being a muslimah(muslim girl with hijab) as well.

First,on shaking hands.
Shaking hands surely a symbol of professionalism.When receiving awards,when meeting with people and introducing self,things liddat.

I grew up going to religious school.No,I'm neither a religious person.I'm just some other plain girl who is just like another muslim who practise Islam obediently,and my level of iman goes up and down all the time.It depends.

However,I stand corrected and firm to not to shake hands with men.People would say this is unavoidable.For me,you just try to get the gut on saying that you cannot do so because you're in opposite gender but yet you're open in becoming friends.Not shaking hands does not mean that you cannot be friends or hate him,its just a matter of there's a rule in the religion stating that I cannot touch with opposite gender.That's it.

A lot of times,seriously,a lot of times that I've been in this situation.I knew that if I sacrifice my firm stance on this - I'll make it something that I'm used to.So I cannot start,neither to give it a try.
So,I never shake hands with opposite gender.Whenever I confront with this situation,I'd give a smile and put my hands on my left chest and explain(don't forget to say sorry!).There's also this one situation whereby this one minister is trying to shake hands with me and I just politely put my hands on my left chest and say sorry.He's a muslim though,so he understood well my situation.

This situation makes me ponder everytime I saw muslims shaking hands with opposite gender in the name of professionalism.I supposed the definition of being professional is different from one person to another,and that's why you can find some muslims would say that's fine of shaking hands with other gender.I respect them,but I'll never concur with them.Meaning,in whatever your situation - you're still a muslim.And the muslim title - are the title - forever-not part time.

However,there are still some situation where I'd been working with some non-muslims(mostly are chinese).Packing up goodie bags to giving cellotapes will requires me to giving some things on their hand.So,the issue would be they're not sensitive enough that they cannot simply touch the muslim's hands(for different gender) and hence,there's a need to explain properly on why he/she can't simply do so.Make some effort to explain,that is!

Second,on how you bring yourself to the public.
For me,I'm not a type of person who'd allow myself to be touched by opposite gender when you're mingling around.Example:they could just cubit you,and tepuk your peha..I get this.I've seen it.

However,I'd say the way I bring myself to the public is just a matter of being amiable to everyone.Say hi and talk.There's no need for you to have body contact just in the name of trying to make yourself more open and pleased everyone.

Third,on attire.
When I went to TEDx,its kinda hard to be one of the volunteers - especially when youre Malay and Muslim.Because some Muslims that joined in are kinda more liberal compared to me.I mean,I'm not conservative.I just do whatever my religion taught me so.

So wearing short sleeve attire is just forbidden for me.And thing is,to still cover my aurat- I just wear an inner insider.Same goes to when I was in Indonesia,I wore cardigan outside my short sleeve shirt given by organizer.

So,there's no issue of you cannot cover your aurat.Even during formal events,I prefer wearing modestly instead of trying to show how professional I could be by wearing tight clothes or short skirts.Never get influenced by the surroundings.Never get influenced by the fashion.Things will so gonna be easy if you stands firm with your stance.Okay?

Fourth,on social nights.
Well,social nights gonna be very usual though if you attended these kind of events such as MUN and international conferences.There's gonna be songs stomping to your heart and your friends will start dancing along.Well,last time I was in Indonesia,I did dance a bit.Well,its not really the dance that involves two person as what you're thinking of,its just a cultural night that turned out to be a lil bit urban.Lewls.So I started dancing amidst of other people(but no,I didn't hold my hands to different gender).Its cultural dance,afterall.When it turned out to be  more like a disco,I stepped out and said,"okay..that's the limit.I'm not gonna party..".I stayed outside the hall and look at them at far.

In MUN social nights,I sit and eat while randomly talking to anyone I think of joining.Any races will do,any religion will do.Its just random..literally.I didn't join the bad things(for god's sake!).

Fifth,on taking pics.
When taking pics,I tried to avoid taking pics while the other gender holds my shoulder or the distance is too close.I'd try my best to avoid it.

Just to address something..
I'm not a person who only go for islamic events and conferences - I'm on almost everything.
I know that I cannot simply live in the islamic shell forever.I have to go out and make connections with non-muslims from different backgrounds too.I have to make friends from muslims who are in different background than me too.Also,I realized that more and more muslims should involve in this international relations kind of events that speak about politics,economics and social issues.Or maybe its just me who have the tendency to speak out these kind of issues.I don't know.

I know its gonna be tough.Challenges of ikhtilat.Challenges of prayer times.Because not all events would acknowledge your prayer times,hence you need to make some effort of excusing yourself during prayer times.

I could only remember a few.If you wish to ask me more,do drop questions in my on my left side of blog) or just drop it here.

All in all,I'm not someone who's really Islamic.Not at all.I'm just some other muslimah woman who cares for others who are facing the same struggle as me and tries to avoid things that religion forbid.That's it.

That's all.Bubye.

Aug 14, 2015

What's Up?

Incase if you're asking me how's my life has been doing,
Its been good so far.

For now I barely able to sleep during evening(thank god for that!) and I always have something to do during my evenings.For every Tuesdays with Bibliophile Series to playing squasy at the gym on Tuesday and Thursday - I'd make sure myself to stay back at the school and do something until dinner time.

Had once too tired,that I overslept until 8 pm while waiting for maghrib prayer to break the fast.
Just once.

Now that I've passed with IELTS and yet still waiting for the result.Now that I'm currently struggling to finish up with my personal statement.Still doing the drafting processes before coming to the final draft.Fuh it ain't easy,really.

Also,I'm trying to improvise myself with not sleeping after subuh and sleep early to wake up earlier than usual.I guess I've changed a lot from previous semesters where I could be motivated everyday to wake up early,get to pray congregationally,and finally going to class early.

IB changed me alot.
I used to be that one good kid who always finished up my homework despite of any obstacles or how tiring it could be,and will go to class early to prepare myself.But lately,I've been coming to Mathurat quite late or rather on time and my mornings was a bit messy and in rush.

I seriously need to fix on that.

I supposed that there are still too many things that I've to fix in myself.
And that starts with my daily routine,my daily prayers and my daily quran recitings.
I should've always try to be a better person because in the end - I'll have to serve to my Ummah.

I have to admit that sometimes I'm losing to lust.I get my sleepy eyes win and keep prayers aside first just to accomplish that sleepy moments.I also have to start working with improvising my distracting study life where I could have been scrolling phones will studying.

Or when listening to spotify during studying,make sure it's instrumental so that I won't be distracted by the lyrics.
Or listen to others when they're talking to you.Stop scrolling or looking at your phone.

When I realized I've got so much things to do,I really need to second that I've got no time to be wasted.

P/s :Currently I've been working to compile my instagram status and facebook status into  zine.Pray for me okay!

Aug 3, 2015

Miracle Happens

Yesterday,I had my IELTS test.
But another yesterday(the night before exam),I didn't sleep at all.Yes not at all.
I happened to drink OldTown,just a little bit of curiousity at the start.I can still remember I was drinking OldTown can while waiting for my roti canai that I ordered.
Guys,I truely don't know how high the doze of caffeine has caused me not to sleep at all.

So,I spent the whole night doing reading for example of essays and some exercises on listening.And oh,listening Spotify the whole night too :)

The next morning,I got to sleep in the bus for nearly 50 minutes,Waking up to realize that we are almost near to the examination center.

That's that.My IELTS.That determine half of my life.

During listening component test,everything went well.Oh yeah,except for the unknown accent.Surely its not british accent I supposed.Maybe Irish or Scottish,but I hardly able to understand the conversations.

The last 10 minutes of the exam,I copied my answers in the test paper in the answer sheet.

But I thought I've made mistakes by writing it in the answer sheet.I thought we don't have to do so.All we need is to just let the answer in the exam paper.

So,I erased all my answer.

Little that I know,I was supposed to write the answer in the answer sheet too.

That was the last 5 seconds I had for my listening component,guys.

I was afraid,and shivering after I realized that my exam paper has been taken by invigilator,and now I only have the same answer sheet - flipped back for the next reading component.

Gosh,my listening component answer sheet is zero without any answer.

I raised up my hand.
I told my carelessness.
I asked if I can get back my exam paper.
I was told to only trace back my answer.No its impossible.I'm using high grade of rubber,hence I couldn't even trace my previous answer.

She asked me to wait  and continue with my reading component.

I was literally shivering and in worry.I repeated the same do'a the whole reading component exam session,reading 'hasbunallaha wani'mal wakil' nonchalantly.

Ya Allah,cukuplah engkau sebagai pelindung bagiku.

Right after the exam,I came to see the head of invigilator.A second chance.To re-write my answer in the answer sheet.I explained everything.

Yes,Allah granted my prayer.He gave me another chance to re-write my answers.

I guess,that is the best time of my life,when I know that Allah is with me and helping me.

It was something impossible initially,but ask God whatever it is.Believe.
And God shall do the rest.

So I wrote all my answers happily within 2 golden minutes I had.
Alhamdulillah,thank you Allah :)

I'm done with IELTS guys :D

Jul 25, 2015

Leaving a good place(or comfortzone?)

Its the last night here in my room before going back to IB life.Man,I hate this feeling.
Its the same feeling I have during my secondary school on Sunday that I have to leave my house and class would start the next day.
Guys,boarding school hurts.
College life hurts.

I was literally contemplating what would happen on this Monday.Yup,most of tonnes of work I was supposed to finish it up during raya holidays,seems to just be in my bag.Procrastinating is very well related to IB students,no?Well,I did go to library once this holiday.I also did some things related to IB.Ok that's also an achievement too.

I did tell one of my closest friend,
"taknak..taknak balik.taknak taknak balik..".
Yeah man,KMB is fun as it is.But pending assignments and waiting-lists-of-assignments NOT.Gotta Theory Of Knowledge presentation next week,IELTS test next week,EE final draft next week..
What am I doing this holidayssss?!?!

So I thought and I determined(hopefully) that I could detached myself from my cellphone.I find my handphone can be a very good tool in distracting me,thus unable to finish up things I am supposed to do.I will not going to bring my handphone to class,and I will uninstall my Instagram until my IELTS test.Not to forget that I will need coffee the most next week,as I have to stay awake in the midnight finishing up the unfinished.

Its gonna be a hell next week and the next two weeks.While people are celebrating Eid throughout the whole month,I'm gonna stuck in my college with workloads.

But the next two weeks is TedEx and insyaAllah I'll be one of the runner.Also not to forget upcoming KYUEM Summit and Model United Nations coming very soon in my schedule.Can't wait!

Yes,I am also been accepted in MSLS(Malaysian Students Leadership Symposium) by UKEC,however since the date collides with TedEx,I prefer TedEx more.The speakers are intriguing indeed.

Many things too that I wish to be more focus.
InsyaAllah next week too that I'm planning to continue the project of building small library for an indigenous school through publishing a zine.InsyaAllah insyaAllah,this is just a mere planning needed to be detailed and meticulous works are yet to be done.

Hectic week gonna be,it is.

I hate the feeling of going back to college or school.The heart seems to be too heavy to let it go,or I guess I myself is not yet ready for a real battle.
But I loooove what awaits for me,the excitement is surely worth coming to college.

To semester 3 - you are surely going to be a hell semester for me.
To KMB - I love you more than I love matcha green.
To myself - be resilient & tough  and make it to overseas :)

I've had enough of holidays.
I've had enough of insomniatic nights.
I've had enough of leisure.

*P/s : Oh yes I'm planning as well to go hillclimbing at Broga Hill and climbing Batu Caves.Bhahaha.Lets see how it goes.

Jul 17, 2015

All-Hail Semester Three!

Life has been good so far.
The first three weeks of new semester was exhausting,really.I literally crying my heart out for stucked in the college doing what others dont.
Sending the assignments,extended research questions and being rejected over and over again - man that's just not an easy-going.
Not only that the Ramadhan has been challenging due to endless cough and flu and sometimes I vomitted to the extent I'd end up with tears,this Ramadhan too is going to be the last fasting month I'd have in my college.
Yes it's hard to believe :(

Then here I am in my own room at KL with a good sleep alhamdulillah and helping family with the raya thingy.

I am now motivating myself to work hard in the future of my IB life,so that I can fly.
Targetted to get 37 this new semester(too high,I know) so that I feel more secured.

Of semester three,
"Start strong,stay strong,finish it strong by always remembering why you're doing it in the first place" - Dr. Saai

As I aimed to go to UK for my Legum Baccalaureus(LLB), I wish it will comes true.
University College London,Kings College London,Bristol Uni,Warwick are some of it..
Or at least,going to University of Auckland(NZ),Melbourne Uni(OZ) or Toronto Uni(Canada) insyaAllah.

One of it will be true,ameen.

So here,I'll be sharing some of tips I will be doing so that I can achieve what I want.


1.Always pray to Him
"Allahumma innaka afuwwun karim..tuhibbul afwa fa'fu anni.."

2.Renew my vision and mission.
37 points for semester three.Fly to oversea.Be a good muslim

3.Know your weakness
(Shall not be disclosed here)

4.Get tips on how to get an effective study skills 
  1. Sleep early
  2. Wake up early
  3. Don't sleep after Subuh
  4. Always consult teachers
  5. Focus on weak subjects
  6. Ask more
  7. Manage your time well
  8. Be focus on doing something(as I always seems to get distracted easily)
  9. Persistent & Consistent
  10. Pray hard and tawakkal
  11. Read before class
  12. Get yourself away from gadget(Will do this in LRC or in class)
  13. 25-5-25-5
  14. Send assignments on time!
5.Never miss prayers

So hmm I hope I can do it all.Haha :)

I also planned my expenses tips so that I can do something right after IB exam(will update this soon!)

Balqis Expenses Guide.

1.RM 10 per month at least
2.Allocate 10% of your financial aid & allowance
3.RM 5 that you have,please keep.
4.Keep syilings you have.
5.Don't ever dare to use royalty you received from selling books
6.Mara allowance - 30%

So,I have to bear in mind these things :

1.Buy latte twice a month only
2.Don't go for online shopping ( 6 months curfew)
3.Don't ever dare to use your savings 
4.Freeze your Bank Islam account and CIMB account.Use only BSN account.

There you go,all my lists :P
Please pray for me,to succeed in IB life and fly to oversea insyaALLAH so that I can come back as someone who will be contributing more to the Ummah.

Do pray for my health too yea!

Assalamualaikum & selamat hari raya :)

Sapientar retentavm,svccedet aliqvando.
"That which is wisely tried again will succeed sometime."

Jun 5, 2015

Nak masuk KMB bawa barang apa?

Assalamualaikum,and greetings to newcomers of Kolej MARA Banting !
(By the time you're reading this,I'm extremely sure that you are not even enrolled to KMB haha),but that also means I'm welcoming all juniors to KMB.

(let's just talk in Malay.Nanti masuk KMB kita sambung cakap matsaleh berhabuk-habuk ok?)

Nak bawa barang apa ni pergi kmb?
Lagi dua minggu nak masuk tapi tak prepare langsung ni,acane? acane?
Jangan risau.Despite of unwelcoming assignments yang terlalu banyak,I choose to not to do today.Eh?Tula,kerja banyak sangat sampai langsung taknak buat ekekeke.

1-Kelas : Lelaki pakai macam nak pergi kerja.
  Untuk perempuan : Baju kurung dan bertudung(tudung tu tak perlu rasanya nak explain lepas takat     mana)
  Lelaki (jumaat) : Baju Melayu dan bersongkok
2-Lain-lain :
Macam pergi library : pakaian bebas asalkan sopan dan menutup aurat.
Sukan petang-petang : pakaian sukan
Khamis malam jumaat : pakai jubah pun sopan juga.
3-Kasut Hitam
4-Stokin panjang(girls)

*Bawa sampin ke kain batik ke apa-apa yang dirasakan sesuai untuk dalam blok
*Lain-lain dirasakan perlu

2-Peralatan tandas(ubat gigi,gosok gigi,sabun basuh baju..)
3-Gayung(kalau rasa perlu)
4-Pencuci Pinggan ( sebab nak basuk tupperware,lepasni nak tapau makanan kat DS kena guna tupperware sendiri.Go green katanya).
7-Kanji(Kalau tudung susah nak bentuk ekekek)

1-Tikar gulung
2-Karpet(kalau nak)
5-Selimut (!)
8-Comforter(kalau nak)
9-Cermin(kalau boleh hidup tanpa cermin,silakan tak perlu bawa)
10-Penggantung tudung(senang nak manage untuk perempuan)
11-Foldable box
12-Organizer untuk letak dalam locker since the locker's not that big,hence the limit.Boleh try pergi Daiso and look at foldable box or whatever sesuai.
13.Penggantung(boleh gantung baju kalau malas dan suka campak baju tanpa menggantung)
14-Charger for your electrical appliances

1-Rak buku(bawa kemudian pun tak apa)
3-Buku Nota ( beli yang panjang eh )
4-Kertas Kajang
5-Kertas A4
7-Meja belajar berlipat
8-Beg Sekolah

*Extension tak silap tidak dibenarkan.Untuk kettle rasanya tak perlu sebab ada coway dengan watercooler.Tak perlu bawa iron sebab dah disediakan.
*There are two plugs provided.

As I told so many times,kalau nak beli boleh je.Umobile dan Yes laju.Celcom slow macam cadbury sebelum disahkan halal semula,dan lebih baik tak perlu beli broadband kalau dah pakai TM atau Unifi kat rumah.Boleh guna the same password and username to sign in.

Bnak Rakyat atm is provided here.Afterall you may use any atm bankcard for the atm service.

Kat study carrel ada dah.Jadi tak perlu bawa.

Telekung,kopiah,Al-Quran dan sejadah.
IB will be torturing,hence the need to Qur'an will be very highly dependant.

1-Wajib bawa sabun basuh baju sendiri
2-May also bring trolley as the laundry's very heavy(I survived despite of sakit-pinggang-pergi-kelas sending the laundry)

Any questions,do drop it here :


Jun 3, 2015

Recap of more than a year

*Mingguan Wanita - 29th May

I don't know why but I rarely update my activities ever since I have Instagram account.I know right,its just unfair for making everything immortal in the Instagram,whilst setting aside updating in my blog,a place where I used to be :)

This is not for everyone,its for myself so that one day I can look back and count how many achievements have I made.

1-Attended ASEAN-Japan Youth Forum - Indonesia
2-Social Entrepreneurship Study Trip,MyHarapan - Chiang Mai
3-National Aspirations Leadership Symposium - PWTC,Kuala Lumpur
4-Malaysia National Model United Nations - Sunway University (As Chris Redfern,from DNC)
5-Panelist of The Future Of Muslim Youth roundtable discussion - IAIS,Kuala Lumpur
6-Human Development Bureau of SRC Kolej MARA Banting - 2014/2016
7-Involvement in Persatuan Pelajar Islam Wilayah Persekutuan as facilitator in PMGKL.
8-International Conference for Young Leaders - PWTC,Kuala Lumpur
9-Got my blackbelt in Taekwondo man! 
10-Speaker during KMB Hijab Day
11-Got to wander almost more than 10 coffee shops (is that even an achievement?)
12.Emcee of Plenary Session in KMB Students Conference - Concorde Inn,KLIA
13-Run for SRC in KMB Election ( lose,but that's okay.Allah knows best)

Published :
1- Cahaya Atas Cahaya
2- 99 Puisi Untuk Palestin

Magazine :
1-Mingguan Wanita 29 May

More to go inshaallah.More to achieve too,so that I could not only do something for myself.But for ummah,hopefully.I also wish to continue publishing zine chronology,but due to unending coursework and assignments(IB,you know..) I'll have to think of it again.

So happy that within half of a year,I have visited Indonesia and Chiang Mai (achievement : without no family around) all by myself.Inshaallah,next will be Australia hehehe.

So happy that I'm almost half done with IB,as tomorrow marks an end to final paper in semester two exam,which means less than 1 year than IB exam dude.

So happy that I'm getting to become a better Balqis,inshaallah.A more mature with better personality and attitude,and more positive.Alhamdulillah.

So grateful that Allah has given so many things,despite of me being such a forgotten slave of His :'(

Its been one hell half of a year,half to go to finish 2015 :') May I will always be given strength to proceed this life.Ameen.

May 29, 2015

Planning for semester two break!

Alhamdulillah,I'm all done with semester two.Off to the next semester,being a senior and that also means less than one year from IB exam! *perpetuates*

I guess the exam wasn't an easy going.Despite of good schedules we have this exam,but there are few days with combo paper,quite not good to us.Like BMS with Mathematics.Or Economics and Chemistry.Its just unbearable at that moment.

I only have less than 5 hours of sleep in average of a day,but alhamdulillah I could stand with it and yes I also managed to wake up soo early during the exam week.Hats off Balqis!

So now,I'm having my semester holiday.........for two weeks!

But I'd tell you how many assignments need to be done this break,and to be send right after the sem break.Owh goodness,you'll never have any idea how to finish it all when you have so much ample time,yet you tend to watch movies and baring-baring atas katil,or scrolling instagram and facebook.

Regretted for a day and half not being productive.Guess its enough for a day of break for myself as a reward as I managed to sleep early and get a long sleep,and not forgotten to The Theory Of Everything movie that I watched today.Hehehe.

So,let me list down every single little thing to do during this semester break.

1-English HL - The Palace Thief
2-Extended Essay - Duedate :29th June
3-Internal Assessment BMS - Duedate :22nd June
4-Math Exploration - First Draft after holiday
5-Read Malay Novel entitled Srengenge ( 10 page a day at least)
6-CAS calendars to be scan and saved in Dropbox/email
7-Fundraising for Year 1 Registration-Beli barang,bahagikan tugas
8-Remembrance of Al-Quds proposal and contact Aman Palestin
9-Written Assignment - Malay and English
10-Donate Blood
11-Australia on 8th to 13th
12-Pergi majlis ilmu

So yes,these are the assignments that I need to finish up during this week as I'll be leaving Malaysia for a week to Australia inshaallah.
I hope I would be able to finish this off ameen.

2 weeks for all eleven checklists are not a good sign for an ample holiday peeps.I'm innerly crying of doing IB,and somehow jealous thinking of friends having good days without any minithesis and research.

4000 words for EE.
750 words for Internal Assessment BMS,Malay,English..
1000 words for Math Exploration
Not to mention Srengenge novel which I barely able to understand,and it takes quite some time to understand the gist of the story.

Pray hard,work hard and lets rave with IB!
*I also provide one small book to keep myself on track with a productive semester break.Please make it real balqis!

May 21, 2015

Ever feels like quitting?

For god knows how many times.
But I keep on going.Tears,sadness,sleep deprived,hungry yet you can choose either to eat or to sleep.
Then,you'll start losing the meaning of entertainment or leisure.Leisure means nothing,except when you're able to get 6 hours of sleep,that's your definition of leisure.

Its been more than 8 months I am here in KMB.Kolej Maha Busy they said,no doubt I'd say.
Surely there are ups and downs.More to downs actually.Times when you do a lot of revision yet the standardized test marks may not be on your side.Times when you start thinking of a lot of research for your IB in every subjects.

You'll feel like quitting.
You'll feel like,ok that's it.I'm out.
But you start forcing yourself back on track.Out of no reason.Sadness and giving up is just not your option,as you've sacrificed alot for this foundation programme.

But you know,Allah is The All Knowing.There will always be someone that you know will be by your side to calm you down when you're depressed,tensed,and feels like crying(oh yes,when you have already bursts out too).Sometimes,He sends wind to you,so that you'll feel like He's hugging you,and say that's okay.

I am now here at the end of my 2nd semester exam.2 more semesters to go,before being IB survivor.1 year to go,before making the dream to fly a reality.

Deep in me,is some kind of sadness I must say.
I'm like down and fell in a ravine,that no one's holding my hand to save me.I'm vulnerable,and everything seems to be so complicated and sensitive.
Seeing someone smiling back to me,touched me.
Talking to someone and they make jokes so that you may laugh,appreciated.
Every small things happened,you look at it as a bless.
I guess being stressful makes you appreciate things around you more,and closer to Him.

I can't be more happier when Mom brought me to renew passport,at the same time I had my Green Tea Frappe(longing for 3 weeks meh!) and a cup of cappucino.So chilling,and I feel like rejuvenating.

I can't be more happier when Dad wake me up every morning at 3 am so that I could wake up and do revision.Guess who's hardly to pick up her dad's phone call,over sleeping at 1 o'clock,expecting to wake up at three am?

Dad's patience made me smile over and over again.Sometimes,more than 14 misscalls.Sometimes,I lied that I've already wake up so that he won't call me back.

I'm tired.But everyone here in KMB,does too.
I'm struggling,but its not for myself.I'm struggling for the best result so that I wont be a slander to my own Deen.So that I could show that Muslims are genius and diligents.So that I could go to UK and back with a pack of knowledge.

Ya rabb,its totally hard.You know IB is hard.
I've tried to talk to several of my friends,but sooner I realized that they won't understand your pain.
They're not taking IB so what advice would you expect?(not to put them down,just because they don't take IB).When I tried to talk to my colleagues and classmates over matters regarding IB,we ended up sharing the same pain.

So,I realized - the only thing is to talk to Allah.Allah knows best,what is the best remedy for me.
Because surely,humans may not give medicine to heals your heart or they might give the wrong one.
Its only and solely Allah who knows better what's in my heart,and I started to talk to Him in my prayers.Telling Him how difficult life is,for its ups and downs.Telling Him so much chores to be done,yet so little time I owned.

Today I have khatam my Quran for em,I couldn't remember.9?10?
But that's okay.Khatam Quran while doing IB is such a big achievement for me.
Next thing is,to rememorize surahs in Quran that I left without revising.

Till then,goodbye :)

May 20, 2015

Seeing You.

I tried to drink what you like.
But it tastes bitter.

So I thought I've lose the battle.
As much as you've won the top scorer.

I saw you in You.
But maybe its because I'm confused.
And seeing a person resembling you,turned me this way.

I can never have cappucino.
And you can never able to love machiatto.
So,here comes an end.

May 1, 2015

So I published a book with FAQ :)

Alhamdulillah,now that I am able to write on this blog after quite some time.It was quite hectic as I gotta handle trips for the kids at Tadika Annur KMB,handling their sports day,at the same time thinking over fundraising projects that would allow us to expand the kindergarden for the sake of their comfort.

Not forgotten to the IB itself,with all quizzes and standardized tests(I guess the results were not that good,hmm) and to homeworks and ongoing internal assessment.Thought that I won't survive.

People didn't know,that at the same time I was undergoing one project - writing a poetry book.It was hard,yes it wasn't an easy task to be such a multitasker.But subhanallah,I myself I don't think I would be able to make it without Allah's help.Being an IB student at the same time writing a book is not an easy task,indeed.

But yeah,I made it(with Allah's help and his strength that He lended to me).
This book was officially on my hand last week,when I went to KL Book Fair,and that was my first time I hold my own book.

Excited? Yes I was,and still am.

This is the book that I wrote during my travel time,where I really lothe of wasting my time over not doing anything.Usually my flight when I travel would be in the morning,so I'd have my overnight at the airport.I would spend that night typing typing and amend my poem,at the same time stealing some time doing revision for my studies.It wasn't an easy task.I even did study Economics on my flight from Jakarta to Malaysia,because I know I shouldn't just let time passed by without doing any benefit to me.

I really tried,to maximize my time.Goodbye to leisure time watching movies and sleep,because most of the time I had very little time of sleep and my sleeping time was even abnormal.That was the price I have to pay in order to achieve something.

But worry less,I think the sacrification just worth it!

Moving on to the Frequently Asked Questions.

1- How much is the price for this book?
    : RM 15 je :)

2-Where to find this book?
    : Iman Shoppe or you may also get it right from Pesta Buku Antarabangsa Kuala Lumpur ( Mawar 
      Room,M08,Iman Publications).Yeah you may get it from me personally with signature! Do                 email me at or catch me on Facebook!

3-What this book is all about?
   : It has no theme.But most of the poem touches on my personal observation during my travelling or 
    human's values.It is a book that I wrote about what was in my heart and in my head,though.

4-Are you the only writer?
   : Yes,alhamdulillah.

5-Can I get the signature if I didn't buy directly from you?
   : Unfortunately nope.The only thing is you can get the signature by buying directly from me,but it        takes some time waiting for new stocks.Afterall,you may just buy first and read so that you may          ask the autograph when you come and see me someday.I'd keen to meet people who wish to see          me! We could share new ideas and thoughts,who knows?

6-Who's the publisher?
   : I shall thanked Grup Karyawan Luar Negara for having me and giving me opportunity to publish a      book.They are people who taught me from nothing,to publishing a book.How can you join                  GKLN? Yes you may join but you must be in preparatory college going to overseas,or already at        overseas,or graduated from overseas(and the name of the group is quite obvious,no?)

7-Am I going to be at the PBAKL again?
   : Sadly no.As I need to study and focus on my semester 2 exam.I'd be in KL once I have finished          with my exam,and yes you may set the date to see me during the holiday :)

8-Have you published a book before?
   : Got two though.One is Tanah Tanpa Peta,another one is 99 Puisi Palestin(kinda liddat) and it is          also a collection of poem dedicated to Palestine,shared with some other writers too.Alhamdulillah.

9-Why Cahaya Atas Cahaya?
   : You may find it inside the book at the introduction ;)

10-So the whole book is about?
   : A writing when I was travelling.About being a merchant,about travelling.Got some poems about        love,some about the countries I have visited itself,some about criticising humans,and some is more      to my own personal stories :)

11-How long does it takes to write this book?
   : 4 months,or lesser.

Any other questions?
Drop down here or on my!