Followers

Dec 31, 2014

Poem


I'd like to fly 
For flying will let me know how far I can spread my wings
How brave I am to fly so high
To expand my horizon, a degree that only I can see 

I'd like to become a wanderer
That I don't have to be in a comfort zone
Leaving all my wealth and depends on my own
Prosper gives nothing but an end
But a wanderer will use knowledge and life skills to survive

I'd like to become a lover
For  a lover will live happily ever after
None will be a day without laughters
So I could grow old together with a guy that makes me feel young

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Waiting.
Friendzone.
Because I believe in love after marriage.

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But I'm scared
If I have chosen the wrong person
Or fell in love to a guy that I'm not going to marry
Lovaphobia to the blurry future destiny
Which now I choose to be safe
So,we friends?

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Its a long way to go
Maybe we will meet a better person
At the diverged road
For different path we take
There must be a cross
You & me and common similarities
For fate meet us
And nothing will change the fate

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Dec 24, 2014

Tears of a teacher.

I had my driving class today.
I have to add up few hours to improve my skills,but apparently my skills is still not good enough to get compliment from my instructor.

It was 2 hours of yelling,nagging,and asking me why I can't drive properly.
It was 2 hours asking me what happened to 14 hours of driving practices,yet I still can't do it.

It was a question that I don't know how to answer.Really.
I paid the fees using my own money,some were added by my mother.I put so much effort doing notes of the driving,I came on time,I even walked back to my home for one mile because I don't have sufficient money to pay for taxi because the money I have was used to pay for the fees.

Still thinking I'm not putting effort to improve?

In the middle of the driving,I stopped at the junction.Listening to my instructor's blab,nag,yell(whatever it is) and I cried.I couldn't even see her face,look into her eyes and say anything.

I was all ear to everything she wanted to say.The effort that she never see in me,to improve my mistakes and to be better at driving - I was listening to it.No,I couldn't even let my tiny voice to get out of me and opposed to her words.I'm trying to be obedient though I realized,its not me! I put so much effort to this and I'm trying! Couldn't you see me doing this in sweat when you turned off the air-condition inside the car?

I was still crying at the junction.
It wasn't the first time,really.My first time was with a male instructor,he was being nice and not even any yelling came out of him.He was replacing my real instructor since she has got a theory class to attend.That male instructor was so nice,and I cried for not being able to do well despite of what he has taugh and my another instructor has taught.

I was being sensitive when it comes to driving,that I always thought I'm strong and hardly to cry.Being fragile girl is so not me,but today-I am.

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After the incident of me crying infront of my driving teacher,I got back to my home walking for 1 mile(or less maybe).

I slept and woke up at Zuhr to pray and take bath,preparing myself to go mengaji class.
I went by bicycle,despite the dangerous of going there by bicycle.What to do,my family are in hometown but here I am sacrificing it to go driving class and teaching mengaji.

There's one student that he didn't even able to differentiate between sod,dhod,tho,zho and few more jawi alphabet when he should know.He's already in iqra' 4,so he supposed to be well at the basics.

Maybe I was so depressed today.I asked him to open a page in iqra' 1 and start with the basic.Get to master with alphabet first.

He was reluctant.Maybe he was ashamed for his friends are already reading qur'an and better than him.I am a teacher,I supposed to know what's best for him and I know going back to iqra' 1 to master the basic is the best alternative.

I forced him,and I told him don't go to the next page if you can't still make distinction between the alphabets.He was being reluctant again..again..again.

There you go.His face was down,and dropped tears.
I was so....I blamed myself.What was I doing just now? Ya Allah I just made a boy cried.He was never at fault for not being good,maybe it was me that cannot understand the best way to approach him,the best method to make him understand..What have I done?

I tried my best to make him stop crying.
I hold his hands(jangan risau,budak darjah 2 je pun),and said that I'm truly sorry.
I tried to explain to him the reason why I do so..

but he was still crying and his tears..reminded me of what happened at the morning of the day - of the same thing happened to me.Maybe God was trying to show something.

I was actually listening to his friend's recital,then I stopped.I was crying when I saw him crying.There's no voice coming out of him,and I understand the face of not looking at me when I was trying to explain.

I cried..cried..and cried seeing him.

It was a very fragile day for me.
And I came to know that I'm not strong.Yes I hardly to cry,but maybe it's just like a volcano waiting to burst.

It was a karma day also,for me.
I saw that crying boy in me,and I understand that feeling.
I understand that he's weak,and I'm weak - that is the similarity we have in common that triggered to cry.

I want to go tomorrow,with a new motivation.
No matter what tantrums they're going to throw at me,I'll face with full of strength.
I should be more patient teaching people,for I know I used to be at that shoe.

bye.

Dec 8, 2014

Handling Kids and Patience.

I guess I'm good at being patient.I always receive good words from my friends telling me how patient I am when it comes to handling things critically.Oh memang puji diri sendiri ni bhahaha >_<

This holiday break,I'm teaching tuition center in Malay,English,Maths and Science during night and teaching Al-Quran lesson during days.

I always have the thought that its so gonna be easy,way too easy to compare how I handle IB life.
I thought its going to be smoothe,and I don't have to put too much effort on it.I mean,at least I can spare little of energy doing homeworks,reading,cycling or whatsoever..

But the thing is,I was wrong.

Teaching Al-Quran,where all my students are boys which age between 7-12 that are uncontrollable is fun at first.I called myself as "akak",and they are too cute for me to get angry whenever they pissed me off.They are too hyper and cannot be handled gently,which I prefer to be gentle in my own way.

The first day,they broke glasses when I asked them to sit and re-read the previous page that I have checked.I know,maybe I'm too softspoken person(because I always do,bhahaha) and they will always prefer to be my student rather than another male teacher.

I know right...thank you to the compliment ahaks.

But,they totally pissed me off when I asked them to sit while I was checking another student and they could even run around me and playing shinggan(this is Naruto's vocabulary,pardon if I write it wrong because its been a long time since I watched the last episode!) and I made decision to take the shinggan,giving condition,

"Ok kalau baca lagi 3 muka surat,akak bagi shinggan ni ok.." 

still,being softspoken to them.

I tried my best though,so that my patience will not reach its limit.I love them,I love kids and playing with them..but this is totally different case.I tried my best to handle them with care,but today...

I have rattan in my hand.
K but that's not going to assure that they'll all going to throw tantrums at me again.
The first day of having rattan in my hand,I didn't use it.I pledged to myself that I'm going to be gentle and softspoken since forever,and not gonna use this to hurt any of my student.

We'll see how it works the next day.

Teaching tuition is quite good actually,because my student is a girl and that's so gonna be way easy for me to teach if I were to compare with the boys hehehe.

But,sometimes FAQ(frequent asked questions) hurted me,and pushing me to go beyond my patience limit.

"Teacher,nak buat garis ke?"
"Teacher,selang ke?"

asking 10 times for every question,ain't that cool?

and I will inhale deeply,answering ;

"ye sayang..selang ok.."
"yes,do the line before you want to write the answer.."

for another 10 times.

Every deep inhalation you know.That sure helps me alot to survive so that the tuition class will not end an earthquack haha!

Whenever I have explained more than twice,and the student is asking me to re-explain,I would tell myself ;

"Maybe I need to change my method.Its not her fault,really.."

that requires a high motivation y'know *crying*
I believe that this is a good lesson to me maybe,to handle my kids someday*facepalm* and maybe teaching me to be more patient despite of me being patient enough even before being a teacher.

I love kids,and this is sure gonna be a good means for me to understand them more and make research of which way of teaching is effective to them,and this helps me to be a good analyst!

Students,I do love you.
Now that I realized how my teachers are being patient to me,when I asked stupid questions like :

"Teacher,so the electromagnetism for this figure will go like this,eh?"
"so teacher..the dipole moment will be cancelled out la kan due to zero net force?"
"Teacher..tak faham..(after teaching has been explaining several times),kenapa nak integrate pulak soalan ni? Shouldn't it be differentiatekan je?"

And I bursts of tears whenever they call me Teacher Balqis.Man,I'm exaggeratinggg!
I mean,I hardly able to define that feeling when they call you liddat,but its a good feeling actually.I feel like I'm appreciated despite of them throwing tantrums at me..they are kids.They don't even know if that hurts me and my feeling.I was one of them before,and that is so a karma to me now.

Its okay,I will survive.I know I will.

Dec 5, 2014

Holiday planning this semester break!




Alhamdulillah,holiday is something that you cannot waste even a single minute of it.Yes,there will always be someone to deny this statement,but IB students won't.Trust me.Sleeping is not regarded as wasting time ok hehehehe.

So I actually wrote few of my holiday planning before the holiday started.I slept 3 o'clock in the morning,browsing here and there because I didn't get the chance to do so during the exam week.You know the hassle during exam week that you will count everything including how many minutes to scroll whatsapp,or even how many minutes should be allocated for only ironing clothes.

Ok that explains the life of an IB student.

lets move to my holiday planning(I know reader's getting boringg ringg ringg) -,-'

First,I listed down what can I do to earn money.

  • Work as a private tutor/tuition teacher
  • Write a book
  • Blog competition
  • Sell used books/clothes
  • Send articles/poems to media
Second,I listed my sem holiday wishlists.
  • Go for beneficial & knowledgeable events
  • Photography at Masjid Wilayah KL
  • Blood donation
  • Watch theatre/play
  • Watch Mockingjay movie
  • Work and find money
  • Do volunteerism activity
  • Balik rumah opah
  • Find winterboots and winter clothes
  • Write a book
  • Look back to your 2014 wishlists and make it comes true
  • Get your driving license
  • Spend a day with Yana & Aileen at Jalan Tar
  • Download TEDTALK & The Merciful Servant
  • Read books and unfinished books
  • Update your blog
Third,I listed my IB targets for this holiday.
  • Do notes of semester 2
  • Read Malay novels given by teacher
  • Revision of semester 1 and know what you don't know
  • Think of your EE & Internal Assessment
  • My sem 2 mission/strategies/tactics
  • Strive 35 and above
  • Fix bad habits during previous semester 1 exam
  • Personal achievement & self development reflections and what to improve in semester 2
Funny,I know.People will say that I'm being unrealistic.But hey,not having the list will makes me feel bad and carried away.Well at least,I have outlined what I aim to do,though there will be possibility of not making it comes true.

Seriously man,I cannot live without list.I mean,I need list for daily list,I need list for shopping...and the list goes on.

Its not about the result,its about your effort of making all the list comes true,albeit the hardship or sacrifice that you need to go through.It will be worth it in the end of the day,biiznillah.

Therefore,I supposed that it is not too late for everyone who are having their holiday or facing new semester.

I need support,instead of questioning would all the list comes true.

Next post?
I don't know.