Dec 31, 2014


I'd like to fly 
For flying will let me know how far I can spread my wings
How brave I am to fly so high
To expand my horizon, a degree that only I can see 

I'd like to become a wanderer
That I don't have to be in a comfort zone
Leaving all my wealth and depends on my own
Prosper gives nothing but an end
But a wanderer will use knowledge and life skills to survive

I'd like to become a lover
For  a lover will live happily ever after
None will be a day without laughters
So I could grow old together with a guy that makes me feel young


Because I believe in love after marriage.


But I'm scared
If I have chosen the wrong person
Or fell in love to a guy that I'm not going to marry
Lovaphobia to the blurry future destiny
Which now I choose to be safe
So,we friends?


Its a long way to go
Maybe we will meet a better person
At the diverged road
For different path we take
There must be a cross
You & me and common similarities
For fate meet us
And nothing will change the fate


Dec 24, 2014

Tears of a teacher.

I had my driving class today.
I have to add up few hours to improve my skills,but apparently my skills is still not good enough to get compliment from my instructor.

It was 2 hours of yelling,nagging,and asking me why I can't drive properly.
It was 2 hours asking me what happened to 14 hours of driving practices,yet I still can't do it.

It was a question that I don't know how to answer.Really.
I paid the fees using my own money,some were added by my mother.I put so much effort doing notes of the driving,I came on time,I even walked back to my home for one mile because I don't have sufficient money to pay for taxi because the money I have was used to pay for the fees.

Still thinking I'm not putting effort to improve?

In the middle of the driving,I stopped at the junction.Listening to my instructor's blab,nag,yell(whatever it is) and I cried.I couldn't even see her face,look into her eyes and say anything.

I was all ear to everything she wanted to say.The effort that she never see in me,to improve my mistakes and to be better at driving - I was listening to it.No,I couldn't even let my tiny voice to get out of me and opposed to her words.I'm trying to be obedient though I realized,its not me! I put so much effort to this and I'm trying! Couldn't you see me doing this in sweat when you turned off the air-condition inside the car?

I was still crying at the junction.
It wasn't the first time,really.My first time was with a male instructor,he was being nice and not even any yelling came out of him.He was replacing my real instructor since she has got a theory class to attend.That male instructor was so nice,and I cried for not being able to do well despite of what he has taugh and my another instructor has taught.

I was being sensitive when it comes to driving,that I always thought I'm strong and hardly to cry.Being fragile girl is so not me,but today-I am.


After the incident of me crying infront of my driving teacher,I got back to my home walking for 1 mile(or less maybe).

I slept and woke up at Zuhr to pray and take bath,preparing myself to go mengaji class.
I went by bicycle,despite the dangerous of going there by bicycle.What to do,my family are in hometown but here I am sacrificing it to go driving class and teaching mengaji.

There's one student that he didn't even able to differentiate between sod,dhod,tho,zho and few more jawi alphabet when he should know.He's already in iqra' 4,so he supposed to be well at the basics.

Maybe I was so depressed today.I asked him to open a page in iqra' 1 and start with the basic.Get to master with alphabet first.

He was reluctant.Maybe he was ashamed for his friends are already reading qur'an and better than him.I am a teacher,I supposed to know what's best for him and I know going back to iqra' 1 to master the basic is the best alternative.

I forced him,and I told him don't go to the next page if you can't still make distinction between the alphabets.He was being reluctant again..again..again.

There you go.His face was down,and dropped tears.
I was so....I blamed myself.What was I doing just now? Ya Allah I just made a boy cried.He was never at fault for not being good,maybe it was me that cannot understand the best way to approach him,the best method to make him understand..What have I done?

I tried my best to make him stop crying.
I hold his hands(jangan risau,budak darjah 2 je pun),and said that I'm truly sorry.
I tried to explain to him the reason why I do so..

but he was still crying and his tears..reminded me of what happened at the morning of the day - of the same thing happened to me.Maybe God was trying to show something.

I was actually listening to his friend's recital,then I stopped.I was crying when I saw him crying.There's no voice coming out of him,and I understand the face of not looking at me when I was trying to explain.

I cried..cried..and cried seeing him.

It was a very fragile day for me.
And I came to know that I'm not strong.Yes I hardly to cry,but maybe it's just like a volcano waiting to burst.

It was a karma day also,for me.
I saw that crying boy in me,and I understand that feeling.
I understand that he's weak,and I'm weak - that is the similarity we have in common that triggered to cry.

I want to go tomorrow,with a new motivation.
No matter what tantrums they're going to throw at me,I'll face with full of strength.
I should be more patient teaching people,for I know I used to be at that shoe.


Dec 8, 2014

Handling Kids and Patience.

I guess I'm good at being patient.I always receive good words from my friends telling me how patient I am when it comes to handling things critically.Oh memang puji diri sendiri ni bhahaha >_<

This holiday break,I'm teaching tuition center in Malay,English,Maths and Science during night and teaching Al-Quran lesson during days.

I always have the thought that its so gonna be easy,way too easy to compare how I handle IB life.
I thought its going to be smoothe,and I don't have to put too much effort on it.I mean,at least I can spare little of energy doing homeworks,reading,cycling or whatsoever..

But the thing is,I was wrong.

Teaching Al-Quran,where all my students are boys which age between 7-12 that are uncontrollable is fun at first.I called myself as "akak",and they are too cute for me to get angry whenever they pissed me off.They are too hyper and cannot be handled gently,which I prefer to be gentle in my own way.

The first day,they broke glasses when I asked them to sit and re-read the previous page that I have checked.I know,maybe I'm too softspoken person(because I always do,bhahaha) and they will always prefer to be my student rather than another male teacher.

I know right...thank you to the compliment ahaks.

But,they totally pissed me off when I asked them to sit while I was checking another student and they could even run around me and playing shinggan(this is Naruto's vocabulary,pardon if I write it wrong because its been a long time since I watched the last episode!) and I made decision to take the shinggan,giving condition,

"Ok kalau baca lagi 3 muka surat,akak bagi shinggan ni ok.." 

still,being softspoken to them.

I tried my best though,so that my patience will not reach its limit.I love them,I love kids and playing with them..but this is totally different case.I tried my best to handle them with care,but today...

I have rattan in my hand.
K but that's not going to assure that they'll all going to throw tantrums at me again.
The first day of having rattan in my hand,I didn't use it.I pledged to myself that I'm going to be gentle and softspoken since forever,and not gonna use this to hurt any of my student.

We'll see how it works the next day.

Teaching tuition is quite good actually,because my student is a girl and that's so gonna be way easy for me to teach if I were to compare with the boys hehehe.

But,sometimes FAQ(frequent asked questions) hurted me,and pushing me to go beyond my patience limit.

"Teacher,nak buat garis ke?"
"Teacher,selang ke?"

asking 10 times for every question,ain't that cool?

and I will inhale deeply,answering ;

"ye sayang..selang ok.."
"yes,do the line before you want to write the answer.."

for another 10 times.

Every deep inhalation you know.That sure helps me alot to survive so that the tuition class will not end an earthquack haha!

Whenever I have explained more than twice,and the student is asking me to re-explain,I would tell myself ;

"Maybe I need to change my method.Its not her fault,really.."

that requires a high motivation y'know *crying*
I believe that this is a good lesson to me maybe,to handle my kids someday*facepalm* and maybe teaching me to be more patient despite of me being patient enough even before being a teacher.

I love kids,and this is sure gonna be a good means for me to understand them more and make research of which way of teaching is effective to them,and this helps me to be a good analyst!

Students,I do love you.
Now that I realized how my teachers are being patient to me,when I asked stupid questions like :

"Teacher,so the electromagnetism for this figure will go like this,eh?"
"so teacher..the dipole moment will be cancelled out la kan due to zero net force?"
"Teacher..tak faham..(after teaching has been explaining several times),kenapa nak integrate pulak soalan ni? Shouldn't it be differentiatekan je?"

And I bursts of tears whenever they call me Teacher Balqis.Man,I'm exaggeratinggg!
I mean,I hardly able to define that feeling when they call you liddat,but its a good feeling actually.I feel like I'm appreciated despite of them throwing tantrums at me..they are kids.They don't even know if that hurts me and my feeling.I was one of them before,and that is so a karma to me now.

Its okay,I will survive.I know I will.

Dec 5, 2014

Holiday planning this semester break!

Alhamdulillah,holiday is something that you cannot waste even a single minute of it.Yes,there will always be someone to deny this statement,but IB students won't.Trust me.Sleeping is not regarded as wasting time ok hehehehe.

So I actually wrote few of my holiday planning before the holiday started.I slept 3 o'clock in the morning,browsing here and there because I didn't get the chance to do so during the exam week.You know the hassle during exam week that you will count everything including how many minutes to scroll whatsapp,or even how many minutes should be allocated for only ironing clothes.

Ok that explains the life of an IB student.

lets move to my holiday planning(I know reader's getting boringg ringg ringg) -,-'

First,I listed down what can I do to earn money.

  • Work as a private tutor/tuition teacher
  • Write a book
  • Blog competition
  • Sell used books/clothes
  • Send articles/poems to media
Second,I listed my sem holiday wishlists.
  • Go for beneficial & knowledgeable events
  • Photography at Masjid Wilayah KL
  • Blood donation
  • Watch theatre/play
  • Watch Mockingjay movie
  • Work and find money
  • Do volunteerism activity
  • Balik rumah opah
  • Find winterboots and winter clothes
  • Write a book
  • Look back to your 2014 wishlists and make it comes true
  • Get your driving license
  • Spend a day with Yana & Aileen at Jalan Tar
  • Download TEDTALK & The Merciful Servant
  • Read books and unfinished books
  • Update your blog
Third,I listed my IB targets for this holiday.
  • Do notes of semester 2
  • Read Malay novels given by teacher
  • Revision of semester 1 and know what you don't know
  • Think of your EE & Internal Assessment
  • My sem 2 mission/strategies/tactics
  • Strive 35 and above
  • Fix bad habits during previous semester 1 exam
  • Personal achievement & self development reflections and what to improve in semester 2
Funny,I know.People will say that I'm being unrealistic.But hey,not having the list will makes me feel bad and carried away.Well at least,I have outlined what I aim to do,though there will be possibility of not making it comes true.

Seriously man,I cannot live without list.I mean,I need list for daily list,I need list for shopping...and the list goes on.

Its not about the result,its about your effort of making all the list comes true,albeit the hardship or sacrifice that you need to go through.It will be worth it in the end of the day,biiznillah.

Therefore,I supposed that it is not too late for everyone who are having their holiday or facing new semester.

I need support,instead of questioning would all the list comes true.

Next post?
I don't know.

Nov 28, 2014

So what to fill during your holidays,SPM leavers?

Its a been awhile,yes I know since my last post.
Oh well,my semester break is quite the same as the SPM leavers.Therefore,I put few hours for myself to write this post so that insyaAllah it'll benefit to you,me and those who are searching for beneficial events this holiday.

For SPM leavers,this holiday should be the best holiday you have as its going to be very long to compare with any break you ever have before.Its going to be 6 months and more if you're not going for National Service,or if you do so,you're still so gonna be home for another 3 months which is still,a long break to go.

Please,I made a lot of mistakes during my past SPM break and I don't want you guys to do so.There are a lot of things I can do,but I treat myself by sitting at home,sometimes going out daa daa when I can earn money from that 3 months break(considering after 3 months of National Service).

So,what can I do during this long break?

1- Find Job
Dude,you are going to need a lot of money when you go to college,when you pursue studies in tertiary level.So,just find some money for yourself so that you won't burden much your family.

But what kind of job that is not merely give money?
Find something unique.Killl two birds using a stone.
Do improve your English skills,at the same time,work and gain money! Ahah,therefore my suggestion is for you to be a little bit of choosy in finding job for you.My suggestion is for you to work at Petrosains(if you're living near KL or easy LRT attached to your house).But you have to be alert to the applications(as far as I know,the earliest intake would be in mid of Jan).

Or work at library/bookstore.As you deal with people,take a chance to use English and you may also spend time reading books while waiting for customers.

trust me,you're in need to be proficient in English for your interviews to get scholarships.

2-Get License
I missed this part.At the moment I wrote this blog,I still didn't have my license.I'm in a long way to go for getting a license,and its tiring.It took me few months to get the license as I'm tied to college hours and few constraints.So,during this holiday,get job,find money,and pay license by yourself!
You're going to need driving license in the future!So why wait?

3-Go to classes and knowledgeable events
Baking class,cooking class,whatever the thing you want to learn that you didn't get the chance to do so during years of secondary school.
May also go to a lot of islamic events if you're searching to gain more islamic knowledge.Seek through iMuslim Academy,Twins of Faith and lots more that usually,they'll spread by Facebook/instagram.Therefore,I urge you to use Internet wisely and be alert to those events.

Try to browse IM4U site,or google directly of latest volunteerism programs that you are able to attend.I always alert of IM4U as it has a very easy access and all I need is to just download the apps from Appstore.

5-Read books

6-Watch TEDTALK & The Merciful Servant

7-Make a wishlist of what you want to achieve this holiday
*I always have it for yearly wishlist,and for this semester break wishlist..will reveal it very soon in the next post!

8-Memorizing Qur'an/Read more of Al-Qur'an
Inshaallah,if we really can finish up at least a juz a day,we are able to khatam Al-Qur'an for nearly 6 times.Mashaallah!

9-Make research of future careers,path,and scholarships.
This is crucial,because when you have obtained SPM results,you need to be alert to the duedate which students are always missed.I even missed my JPA interview though(sobs).

10.*Thinking,critically* Can't find one.Hee :D


To my dearest juniors,this life is a struggle.But we always choose to let ourselves happy and lenient towards this life.Let me share my Facebook status to you :

Remind me that being young tells me that I should not waste my time when I can do a lot to community.Remind me that the responsibilities that I have,overwhelmed the time given by God.Remind me that being youth,is not about enjoying this life with marathon movie once the exam ended,plugged in ear listening to songs when I have a lot of books to read,to increase my knowledge.
I should know that I am ummah's diamond that should be polished,so that I would shimmer the beauty of Islam.I should understand more about leadership from Prophet Muhammad,his companions,Al-Fateh,Salahuddin Al-Ayyubi and much more.

Ensembling Muhammad Al-Fateh(that I am so deeply in love with his history,Ottoman's Empire and the fall of empire) for his fire spirit,for he being able to create a great history during such a young age is not impossible,unless if you let yourself doing no self development & improvement.
Therefore,I believe that this life is a struggle.This reminded me of what my naqibah from SAMTSSSAAS told me : neither this life is a rest,not until you reach your final destination which is going to be Jannah,insyaAllah.
Noo,not a single rest.No overslept.No "qadha' tidur"(allahu*sobs*).
To my beloved friends and juniors who are having holidays,make use of your time wisely.Work,if not for money,do volunteerism.Go for knowledgeable events even if you have to spend some money.Go and travel this world for it broaden your horizons.Read more on good books.Never let yourself unproductive for Allah will ask you,what have you done during your young days.
P/S: This is a letter to myself,before reaching my home having one month break semester.

The real life starts when examinations is over.You'll see a very competitive life,that needs you to be competent enough to be in the game.I urge you to always do self development & self improvement so that we can be a better person after this holiday's over.If you're going to NATIONAL SERVICE,please do not let yourself down by putting down the opportunity to understand the real world,with real people.Because I used to be in sekolah agama since forever,being in PLKN gave me a lot of exposure to become a better muslim,to mingle around with non-muslims,as well as to mingle with people with various backgrounds(giving me chances to do da'wah more).

This life is a war.Its either you move forward or you'll die.Or maybe I can say is,life is like rowing in a river.The stream is so fast that you cannot turn back,or you have to do is to follow the flow.

You can create a lot of achievements this whole holidays,you can do a lot of things during this break.But if you choose to be unproductive,you're the one who's going to be in loss.Remember that we don't have much time to compare with responsibilities we have.
My next update would be : What is my holiday planning?

Stay tuned!

Sep 18, 2014

Kalaulah terbang itu matlamat utama aku.

Kalaulah terbang itu matlamat utama aku,aku tahu segalanya dah berakhir.Kerana nawaitu aku patutnya disandarkan pada sesuatu yang lebih abadi,dan kekal.

Hidup ini perlu ada vision dan mission.

vision itu lebih bersifat memberi satu gambaran terhadap apa yang kita ingin capai pada masa hadapan,malah mision,dalam erti kata yang sebenar memberi satu motivasi untuk mencapai sesuatu dalam jangka masa singkat.

Visi ke misi?

Aku melihat ianya sebagai visi,walaupun boleh dikategorikan sebagai misi(dua tahun boleh dikira jangka masa singkat bukan?).

Bila aku jadikan ia sebagai visi,aku tidak terlalu terburu-buru menjadikan segala kehidupan aku berputar disebalik keinginan untuk berpijak kebumi asing,walau hakikatnya ada-ada keinginan disitu.

Cumanya,menjadikan terbang sebagai satu matlamat jangka masa singkat mungkin akan menyesatkan pemikiran aku.

Hendak lakukakn ini,takut pula kalau akademik menjuram.
Hendak ke kuliah agama pun nanti berkira,katanya banyak lagi kerja.

Percayalah,yang ini semua bakal berlaku andai terbang itu sahaja matlamat utama kita.Aku disini,dalam situasi dimana akan ada yang menjadikan terbang itu matlamat semata;lantas walau apa sekalipun terjadi,katanya-AKU MESTI TERBANG.

Implikasinya amat mudah.
Maka kosonglah dan lomponglah surau daripada solat berjemaah.
Maka kosonglah dan lomponglah kuliah maghrib daripada hadirnya hati-hati yang mencintai ilmu.

Itulah,sedikit daripada hakikat yang sedang berlaku.Masa,jadi sangat kedekutlah kita,untuk diisikan buat Allah S.W.T

Kita kata kita cinta ilmu,masakan kita boleh berkejaran berlari mengejar ilmu dunia namun keciciran mencari ilmu akhirat.Kita terlalu asyik dalam mengejar yang kifayah,sampai fardhu pun tidak kecukupan lagi.

Aneh? Tak.Itulah yang terjadi daripada sistem pendidikan yang kita bentuk dengan sendiri.
Bila hanya A yang dikejar,bukan matlamat berjaya dunia akhirat.

Ya,inilah masalah utama kita.
Belajar itu,its a means for us to go Jannah.Its just part of means.While as we have a lot of means to go for Jannah-and gaining knowledge is one of it.

When we claim that gaining knowledge is a means,it shows how its not everything the we should revolve our life into.Because,when means has become aim,you will revolve your life into it.

satu tamparan untuk aku.Selama ini,aku solat-tapi solat aku selalu berkait dengan mengejar kejayaan dalam pelajaran.Sedangkan? solat dan belajar itu dua means untuk mencapai satu matlamat utama - kesyurga.

Memahami terbang itu bukanlah satu misi semata-mata buat aku lebih tenang.Tiada pressure yang menolak aku,malahan dalam menuntut ilmu aku jadi lebih tenang.

Aku belajar kerana didorongi rasa ingin tahu,yang jadi fitrah seorang penuntut ilmu.
Meletakkan 45 points sebagai misi dalam mencapai visi,ya aku melakukannya.

Namun,perjalanan jadi lebih bahagia.Ilmu yang aku dapat,jadi lebih bermakna dan rasa berkatnya.

Moga perjalanan menempuh IB ini bukanlah satu perkara duniawi semata,tetapi sebuah proses untuk menjadi umat yang terbaik,berilmu,serta satu persediaan(bukan sahaja persediaan keluar negara) menjadi insan yang lebih baik.

Moga Allah redha.

Sep 11, 2014


Kekangan masa,selalu membatasi untuk aku menulis panjang-panjang disini.
Sedang aku menulis setiap diksi dalam blog ini,buku memanggil aku untuk ulang kaji esok hari.

Malam makin gelap pekat,makin tua.
Namun,begitulah rutin aku yang hanya tahu tidur apabila menganjak jam dua atau tiga.

Maaf,maaf tidak dapat selalu menulis disini.

2 hari lagi,sebelum cuti midsem.
Masa itu,akan aku cerita segala yang tertangguh.

Till then,wassalam.

Aug 25, 2014

Panduan Muslimah Di PLKN

Soalan : Patutkah saya menghadiri PLKN ?


Assalamualaikum dan hai adik-adik !
Pertama sekali,I just got to know that PLKN result has already published.Its a good thing to know kan? Sebab finally,you don't have to wait.No more.

I'm so sorry if this post looks like not really complete,because it took me to stay up like 2 o'clock to write this.

Bila anda tanya saya,patutkah saya ke PLKN? Jawapnnya mudah : Anda tiada pilihan,melainkan bersebab.
Bersebab seperti melanjutkan program fast track UTP/UPM,persijilan Darul Quran,dsbg.

Tak perlu nak risau,you just have to come and feel it.And days will pass just liddat.

Masa akak dulu(ok kekok),I was so reluctant on going.Sebab fikir macam-macam.

"macam mana nanti,nak masuk tudung dalam baju.."
"macam mana nanti..pergaulan mesti tak terjaga.."

That comes to a reason why I'm writing now.Nak cerita serba serbi tentang PLKN.Mudah-mudahan membantu.

Ok yes,I was very reluctant on going.Tapi tiada pilihan,sebab akak tak masuk any fast track program,
persijilan DQ.Well I do have my own,that I wanted to further my study in English for a semester program in USA,but Abah didn't allow.
Forced me to go National Service.

Barang nak bawa.
-Tudung hitam
Untuk muslimah diluar sana,kalau nak bawa tudung bidang pun bawa,kalau  boleh bawa tudung without brooches.Sebab JL(Jurulatih) takkan benarkan pakai tudung yang ada brooch,for the sense of safety.Karang tersodok brooch waktu physical training (PT) kan susah.
Jadi,masa akak dulu bawak tudung bidang 60 dengan tudung labuh bulat(tapi taklah labuh mana,tapi takjugak pendek sangat) sebab labuh sangat pun rimas.

-Seluar trek
Sila bawa,walaupun JLKN akan bekalkan 2 seluar trek untuk anda,you would know that 2 is not enough.Like really,you are going to wear it most of the time kot!

-Baju kurung
Masa kat kem akak dulu,baju kurung pakai masa event je.Masa mengundi,masa sambutan maulidurrasul,masa hari kebudayaan.Bawa dua pun OK,its okay if you want to bring jubah because there are some event that they'll allow to wear jubah.Tapi event yang berkaitan dengan patriotisme ni memerlukan anda memakai baju kebangsaan.Jadi hanya baju kurung dibenarkan.Nak pakai tudung labuh,silakan!

Bawa,sekali dengan stokin ok!

Bawa lah ya,sebab jangan expect baju PLKN tu longgar dipergelangan tangan.Yes it is at the first place,lepastu bila hantar dobi jadi makin longgar.Dah tu,pakailah handsocks ya.

I'm so sorry,but saying this is a need.Kalau kita dulu duduk dalam bi'ah islamiah yang mana ikhtilat terjaga etc etc,you cannot expect this during national service.Sebab kebanyakannya datang dari pelbagai latarbelakang.Masa akak dulu,ramai student sekolah teknik,smk dan berapa kerat SBP/SMKA/SAM/SMA.

Awak bayangkanlah,fikrah tak semuanya sama.Jadi,nasihat akak..eventhough not everyone is practising it,you do it.Contoh,macam dorang biasa duduk rapat-rapat lelaki perempuan,lepak sesama waktu hari ahad..if you know its wrong,kekalkan dengan prinsip tu.Jangan hanyut.

Be flexible jugak.I don't know how to explain this,but kita kena tahu macam mana nak communicate berlainan jantina kalau dia itu mempunyai fikrah agama atau tidak.So,jangan over strict sangat utk yang tiada fikrah islamiah tu.

Kebanyakan aktiviti pun tak campur kumpulan.Kecuali masa kelas Pembinaan Karakter(pukul 8.30-12.30) setiap hari.Kompeni(Alpha,Bravo,Charlie,Delta) pun akan diasingkan wira & wirawati.Cuma masa mula-mula tu nak bincangkan bendera kompeni,visi,misi,matlamat dsbg perlu campur.That's fine,macam kerja berkumpulan.You just jangan over la nak bermingle around to get to know people,because at the end of the day,you'll get to know all of those people.

Ya,perkara yang paling dirisaukan.
Anda perlu masukkan tudung dalam baju.

"Habistu,nampaklah segala-galanya?"

well,uhm..sebenarnya bukanlah segala-galanya.Besides,there's always ways to solve a problem.
Nasihat akak,ambil baju saiz besar daripada saiz asal anda.
Masa akak dulu;
Baju T-Shirt Celoreng & Baju PT : XL

*walaupun anda akan kelihatan gemuk memakainya,tapi redha Allah tu melebihi segala-galanya*

It happened to me,baju uniform loreng tu akak kena ambil saiz betul fit badan.Masa tu akak wakil kem untuk ke kawad kaki peringkat zon,pakai belt pun tahap nak nampak pinggang macam kerengga.

Tapi akak ada baju uniform saiz lain.Satu untuk kawad kaki(saiz lebih kecil),satu lagi untuk dalam kem(quite big).Jadi tiada masalah :)

Untuk pengetahuan adik-adik,baju PT(Baju biru cair,ada line hitam tepi) adalah sangaaaat body hugging.
Justeru disarankan ambil saiz besar agar tidak terlalu body hugging.
Baju t-shirt celoreng tak body hugging k.

Pengalaman diri : Menangis masa second day kat plkn,sebab kena masuk tudung kat dalam.But I found ways to make tak nampak bentuk badan,so alhamdulillah.

Pilih katil : Pilih yang ada lubang charger,pleaselah pilih! Cepat-cepat daftar,kemudian cari katil yang dekat dengan lubang charger,because you are going to queue up untuk ramaiii orang dalam satu dorm.

Selalunya satu dorm 20 ke atas orang.So ehm?

Cari kawan yang baik : Alhamdulillah,people around my bed are very nice to me.Kawan sebelah katil selalu kejutkan solat,begitu juga katil depan.Sangatlah bersyukur.Memang kita tak kenal pun semua orang masa mula daftar,sebab tu kita perlu doa;

"Ya Allah,tempatkanlah aku disebaik-baik tempat.."
Baca juga Asy-Syarh(surah alam nasyrah) agar dipermudahkan urusan,dipertemukan dengan yang baik-baik..

alhamdulillah,nak banding dengan dorm lain..dorm akak yang tiada solat dalam dorm,tiada yang solat lambat,tiada yang tak solat,dan kebanyakkannya berjemaah.

Akak dah biasa dengan benda kawad ni,jadi mungkin PLKN bukan satu masalah besar.Except to adapt dengan life di PLKN yang totally different dengan highschool/asrama.

Dulu masa sekolah,biasa bagi command untuk Kor Kadet Polis(jangan main-main,tudung labuh pun tetap bagi command tau eheheh).

Sampai PLKN akak dilantik jadi Penolong Ketua Kompeni.

alhamdulillah,selalu jugak bagi command,masuk wakil kem keperingkat zon F(negeri Pahang) untuk kawad kaki,menjadi wakil kelas untuk Community Day dan berlakon,serta forum maulidurrasul sebagai panel.

Akhirnya,mendapat anugerah komandan Kem PLKN Hijrah Penor. :)

Sebenarnya,kalau anda pelajar sekolah agama..disinilah peranan anda.Untuk memberikan kefahaman agama kepada kawan-kawan diluar sana.Akak dulu pernah betulkan bacaan alfatihah orang sampailah ke rawat orang histeria(walaupun sumpah takde pengalaman sebelum ni HAHAHAHAHA) -__-

Disini peluang anda untuk mengenal dunia,berkawan dengan non-muslim.Please,letakkan matlamat anda untuk membuatkan sekurang-kurangnya seorang non muslim mengenali Islam.That's what I aimed,and alhamdulillah..orang sebelah katil akak non muslim yang akak akan selalu share pasal Islam.Malahan,kitorang sangat rapat dan selalu tidur rapat katil.

Bila dia takut,akak selalu letak qur'an tepi dia.Hehehehe, :D

**Ada satu kem ni,tulis surat kepada JLKN untuk kelonggaran masuk tudung didalam,dan diluluskan.
***akak dulu selalu sangat tak masuk tudung kat dalam,tapi tak pernah pun kena marah dengan JL.Tapi bila aktiviti yang wajib,perlulah masukkan.Macam PT pagi,aktiviti lasak macam masuk swimming and etc.

Baju untuk aktiviti akan diberi : 

Baju Kelas, Baju Loreng, Baju PT, Inner Loreng, Kasut Kelas, Kasut Kawad,stokin,tudung,topi..

Tips :
-Sila pilih baju PT (baju riadah) yang bersaiz besar daripada saiz anda yang biasa kerana baju itu mengikut bentuk badan
-Bawalah baju kurung, jubah, tudung labuh, tudung bidang 60, tudung arini,baju tidur untuk digunakan ketika tiada aktiviti ( Malam-lepas maghrib, Hujung minggu, Kelas Kerohanian)

p/s : Kelas Kerohanian Rabu malam Khamis ya :)

-Al-quran jangan lupa bawa!
-Bawalah bersama anda bahan bacaan seperti buku atau majalah untuk santapan rohani
-Jangan lupa bawa kasut sandal,selipar nak ke tandas dan ke surau
-Berdoalah :" Ya Allah , kalau betul lah Kau hantarkan aku ke PLKN ada hikmahnya, ada untuk kebaikan aku, permudahkan urusan segalanya."

Anda jangan risau kerana di PLKN bukan anda seorang yang bersekolah agama. Anda semua perlu bekerjasama untuk hidupkan suasana Islamiyah

Buatlah usrah,program tarbiyah,tazkirah maghrib atau apa-apa sahajalah...

Dan..ada lagi..

-mental kene kuat, selalunye mesti ada yang nangis sebab pakai pinggan macam dalam penjara la,
kene basuh baju sendiri la,tak ada kawan la...
-ingat plkn ni ujian dari Allah jugak..

- kalau bab phone ni memang kira wajib lah bawak...
-sure2 lah,sebab pada hari minggu pihak pentadbiran akan bagi phone kat pelatih..hari biase phone tu korang kene pulangkan..
-elok bawak PHONE yang MURAH..sebab risiko kecurian...anggap macam asrama k...lagi pun berjaga2 kan elok..
-bawa mp3 pun boleh,kalau bosan tak tahu nak buat ape,like me,I love listening to songs so sabtu/ahad sumbat telinga dengan mp3.

-bawak lah quran ke yasin ke..
-sebab kat kem quran ada disediakan di surau..
-kalau bawak kan senang,free2 boleh baca dalam dorm..
-selalu ada histeria,so lebih kuat nanti
-elok bawak yang kecil tetapi beserta tafsir..

-selalu ada koop disetiap kem,tapi memang mahal nak banding dengan luar.
-bawa duit untuk bayar duit baju kompeni atau majalah&gambar.
-Selalunya koop dah jual macam-macam,dari gayung sampai ke super ring hehehehe :)

-bawa baju sikit je,sebab kebanyakan masa pakai pakaian yang diISUkan.Termasuklah cap plkn,baju plkn,seluar plkn,stokin plkn sampai ke kasut plkn.Bahagia tak? Hehe!
-Baju kurung/baju jubah/baju lain-lain,boleh nak bawa untuk ke surau atau masa hari-hari yang dibenarkan untuk pakai pakaian bebas.Cth : Hari Mengundi.*Undilah parti traktor eh hehe!*

-Kalau selimut nak bawa,ok je sebab selalunya malam sangat sejuk dan tak dapat menampung kesejukan badan dengan nipisnya selimut plkn.Hehehe,sebenarnya OK je selimut plkn :)
-Tuala dapat dua,jangan bawa tuala,unless kalau risau tak cukup atau tak suka pakai benda memurah ni hehehe.
-Bantal?Selimut? JANGAN bawak.Nanti balik lepas 3 bulan,beg berkembang biak,plus tak muat nak masuk.LAGIPUN waktu kelas,hanya barang yang diISUkan je atas katil.Yang lain simpan dalam loker.Loker takat kecil nak muat letak barang 2 beg je,jangan bawak benda bukan-bukan lah ya.

-sebab ada disediakan almari tapi tak berkunci
-ada jual di kiosk,tapi nanti semua orang dapat kunci sama.Baik takpayah ada kunci -,-'

-masa mula2 korang masuk...cikgu akan bagi tau dorm mana yang korang masuk..
-korang akan diarahkan untuk pilih katil
-time ni,jangan lah jalan tergedek2..(senyum) 
-seeloknya pilih katil yang dekat dengan seterika sbb senang korang nak seretika baju..memandangkan korang kene bergilir2 dalam 
menyeterika ni
-lagi satu sbbnya..senanglah nnt kalau korang nak charge phone korang nanti k..

-bergantung pada kem

-surat kabar ni untuk kasut
-dorang akan bagi korang kasut but ,kasut kelas n kasut PT(sukan)
-tp seeloknya bawak kasut sendiri,waktu korang datang kat kem tu kan korang pakai kasut
-seeloknya pakai kasut yang cun2..(senyum) sebab ada majlis2 yang istimewa dlm kem..tunggu je lah
-bawak jugak lah kasut sukan lebih..mana tau kasut yang dorang bagi tu basah..biase lah aktivt macam2
-time ni gunanya SURAT KABAR...kalau esok nak guna,basuh malam tu..pastu sumbat surat kabar PADAT2 k..letak kat bawah kipas.
kompom kering esoknya...(ilmu sains)
-selipar jgn lupe bawak pulak ^_^

12)TUDUNG (bagi perempuan)
-elok kalau bawak tudung yang tak mudah komot dan mudah dibentuk
-sebab masa dictu amatlah terhad untuk korang duduk 1 jam depan cermin n gosok2 sume k
-selendang oso ken..

-Elakkan couple(kalau rasa diri ni mahal la eheh)
-Berkawanlah dengan semua kaum
-Cari teman yang baik
-Perbaiki diri,listkan apa yang nak dibaiki dalam diri semasa dalam kem

Tak tahu nak share ape lagi,dah 3 pagi.Esok ade test Kimia,so goodnight :)
Please refer here too :

p/s: Post ini akan diupdate dari semasa ke semasa,stay tunedd!

Aug 1, 2014

The long lost spirit.

I was overwhelmed,by the old me.I mean,I don't know which part of me have changed,but at least I've changed.I made a lot of improvements,without myself realizing.

When I turned back to my past,I just get to know that I am such a fighter.A fighter that fought within herself,her emotions,her ups and downs,her personal problems."She" used to be a very enthusiastic fighter,and will always do.

She,the new me,was someone that never say no to whatever resisted within her ability borders,she was the person who would die for something that seems to be not realistic into a tangible one.

She was the girl,dying over thousands of enemies,but managed to wake up and took out the sword,kill the enemies.No doubt,no guilt.

No,she wasn't the gifted one,but she tried so hard to be among the gifted.No,she wasn't a genius,but she climbed so high to stand among geniuses and received awards,and awards,and awards.What makes a difference between "she" and others? The level of hardworking,consistency,and belief.

Because she believed that if they could do that,why shouldn't 'I'?
Because she believed that whatever path with thorns or storms,will led her to success.

She ain't no one.She's the mere one.

Is always the word I'm afraid of,though you can see aeroplanes flying over the KMB's sky every 5 minutes.

Even now I am here,training myself the best foundation into being a good product of Islam(though I am still far from it)..still.Afraid to say that the sky is within my limit,to say that yes I'll fly,to say that yes I'll reach UK.

Why? where's the she? No she's still in the 'I'.But,it takes time to polish that she,so that it would be the new me.

I am,doubtful of this blurred path.I do,I enjoy every single little thing happening here.I love everything here,and what is between KMB and KL.

But,seeing of the requirements needed to be fulfilled by sponsor,and the new rules to be endorsed soon..I am still doubtful of whether I could make it,and be among the KMBians untill the final IB exam.

I always told myself,that this is it the path I've choosen.No turning back,and seize the day.
But to walk the talk is another problem,fighting for confidence to fly is so another thing inside me.

It ain't about reaching for the sky,even everyone is dreaming of it.But it is more than that,and still needs a tough heart and strong will to pass the IB program.

To fight is within yourself.You are the enemy of yourself.

Gosh,I need to find the "she".

Jul 14, 2014

Life Lessons

Yesterday,I was on my way to Midvalley.
I actually didn't want to go there by taking public transports,since there will be going a crowd of people on weekends taking public transports.Plus its going to take a long time compared to driving by a car.

and I went there.By public transports.The moment I arrived in KL Sentral was already dzuhur,so I straightly made my way to the nearest surau.

Out of a sudden,I saw a man was skating with a skateboard at that hectic KL Sentral.I was so dumbfounded of the reason why would he skated in such this crowd when he can have a better place to do?

No,he wasn't standing on the skate.
he actually sat on the skate.I walked in a very fast pace,trying to figure out something.
Yet I saw him without legs.His two hands,were surrounded with slippers.He don't have a normal hand like I do.Like you do.He don't even have fingers like I do,like you do.

Allah..I knew that He is teaching me something.That guy wore a dirty khaki brown shirt.I knew,that he is working somewhere here,not knowing specifically the place he's working.

After I'm all done with the prayer,I walked to the KTM counter,trying to catch up with the latest train.The queue was so long,God knows how I am very regretted with that queue when the other queue were working faster than the one I was standing and waiting.

Soon,I walked down to the place where I'm supposed to wait.But fate didn't fares me well that day.Seconds that my foot reached to that platform,the train passed.

I was.."oh god I wish that I  could wait for another queue so that I didn't miss that train."

So I sat and opened my Qur'an apps in the Iphone,reading surah Hud.Later,came two tourists sitting beside me.But still,I continued reading the Qur'an.I heard them learning the Malay language from a book,so I started the conversation.It was really,out of my mind to start an informal conversation though.But the conversation went well until they asked me;

"why are you singing through the phone?"
I laughed a little.
"No,I'm not singing.I was reading the Qur'an."

and we talked alout.Ranging about the Islam,IB,significant places in KL and all.

Allah is teaching me something again.
MasyaAllah :)

Jul 9, 2014


I thought that it was just  a week.Time flies,so fast.
And now I'm here for 2 weeks.To tell you much,to describe everything,would surely never happens.
Because everything here is so undescribable,you just have to be here and feel it.Thats how it works.

Oh,just to highlight today's event.Technically its already 0003 am,but yeah considering that its still night so its today's event.

I actually went to an usrah.Yep,here we have a lot of usrah and sharing session.Something that really resembles my old school,samtssaas.Most of the sisters were KMBian and now studying in Manchester,Warwick and Australia.

Yes I felt so excited,because one of them is an Economics student at Warwick University,one of the top universities in UK!

Day by day,I felt so contented as my evening were filled up with usrah,sharing session,tadarus,buka puasa by talam and all.

That include how I actually surprised meeting new people around my life circle,because they are totally amazing and amiable.True,no one can ever replace their awesomeness.In another way,they are very helpful and totally supportive!

Not forgotten to the seniors,they are very helpful.Giving hands whenever we need,giving advices without we even asking,being very cool and kind to us the Year 1 students.

Wallahi,its just wayy tooo awesome to be told.

Oh yeap,I'm having tonnes of homework to do by now.For just living here for two weeks.Oh can't you ever imagined that?

What that I can conclude is that,I think Assorted students are very busy like hell.But having future accountants,lawyers,and economist nope I nevel feel burdened by it.

Sleeping deprived is a norm.Even for just an IB student with 2 weeks titled,only.
I had sleep deprived,which I can only diagnosed it when I was on my way back to KL from KMB.I slept in the train(which I never done before) and missed the station that I supposed to be.

And that happened on the second day too,when I was on my way back from Mid Valley.Oh dear,sleep deprived really happens to IB students.Its not that sleep deprived is because of the IB title,its because of tonnes of homework,not knowing when to do,when you have so little time comparing to the homework that you have to submit the next day.

Okay that explains why I am writing this blog,because I haven't read BMS and Economics yet*sigh*

If you are trying to say that smart people are very nerdy and quiet person,no you are wrong.
Because what I found in KMB is way different than what I thought before,yes,what you're thinking now.

I know,there's a lot to tell about KMB,the studies,the life,the orientation week, but seeing that I haven't yet done with all those workloads,I should stop here.

writing this post,just to tell you that alhamdulillah I'm still alive :)
See you again,peeps.

Jun 23, 2014

Being far from them.

Been living far from family ever since I was in Form 1.Its a hard situation,where I have to walk on my own throughout the whole life in a boarding school.

Tak,tak kata kehidupan di asrama ini mudah kerana hakikatnya ada juga duri yang perlu ditempuh.
Rakan-rakan yang dari tingkatan satu selalu sama-sama menjadi lebih rapat dari adik-beradik sendiri.
They're the ones that I've seen their faces almost everyday.We ate 5 times a day,we go to school together,we go to prep class together.

We bathed in the same toilet.
I meant it.That almost everything was done with le friends.

Apabila dah duduk di asrama,aku percaya split personality really happens.I know that its not only me,but its almost everyone.

Masa tingkatan satu dulu,jarang sekali keluarga hantar naik kereta sebab jauh.Seingat aku memang jarang sangat-sangat.Selalunya tumpang orang dan naik bas sendiri.

Bila cuti sabtu ahad,selalunya akan ada keluarga yang datang asrama lawat anak-anak.Outing la in another word.Tidak mengatakan cemburu,tapi itulah..jauh disudut hati.

Selalunya,Puan Ibu akan datang apabila hari report kad(bermula tingkatan 3),dan datang pada hari PIBG.
Tidak pernah datang untuk outing mingguan,sebab jauh KL dan Sabak Bernam.

5 tahun berlalu.

Sepanjang 5 tahun itu,aku akui aku canggung.Canggung whenever I am home,sebab selalu jauh.Neighbours langsung tak kenal,dan tak ambil tahu.Walaupun tiapkali nak balik KL,semua orang akan excited dan aku pun tak terkecuali.

Walhal,balik rumah bukan apa pun.Balik rumah sekadar balik,jumpa mak ayah,beli barang-barang makanan ke stationaries ke yang dah habis kat asrama.Kemudian paling penting,habiskan masa online.Online bukak Facebook,kawan lagi.

Jarang sekali nak spend time berjalan-jalan,atau makan diluar.Sebab tu bila hari ahad,member selalu cerita pergi habiskan masa dengan keluarga,aku hanya menjadi pendengar.

Mungkin itu menjadi sebab aku jadi jauh dengan keluarga.
Jauh tu bukanlah bermaksud sampai putus hubungan,tak.Cuma tak semesra adik-beradik lain.Cuma tak sama dengan life bersama kawan-kawan.

Its such a split personality between friends and families.

Sepanjang 5 tahun juga,masa SPM lah Puan Ibu datang tiap tiap minggu bawa makanan,dan makan bersama.Sembang sikit-sikit kemudian balik.


Sepanjang 5 tahun juga,makin lama makin sikit perkataan di telefon.Selalunya aku akan menelefon sama ada Puan Ibu atau Inche Abah bila nak balik,sekadar maklumkan yang aku akan balik KL.

Masa form 1 dulu rajin jugak nak call,sebab public phone depan dorm.
Makin lama,tingkat makin tinggi maka makin malas nak call.Lagipun selalunya kalau call Puan Ibu akan engaged ataupun tak berangkat.Ada masanya memang setiap kali call akan engage.Yelah aku faham,beliau harus berurusan dengan klien yang penuh dengan masalah.

Kalau dengan Inche Abah pula,beliau bukanlah jenis yang chatty boleh nak sembang gayut lama-lama.Sebab tu rasanya paling lama cakap kat public phone pun tah,seminit?

Situasi sedemikian membuatkan aku makin makin makin rasa jauh.Terasa makin tidak mesra dengan ahli keluarga,Tak,aku tak pernah minta untuk jadi introvert sebegitu rupa.Tapi hanya salah akukah,atau salah asrama apabila aku membesar sebegitu ?

Fikirkanlah.Aku tak tau,tapi by the time aku menulis perenggan ni,aku menangis teresak-esak.
Aku,rasa lebih baik untuk berada jauh dari keluarga apabila sekiranya bersama mereka,aku jadi tak boleh nak handle emotions aku.Tak boleh nak handle temper aku.

Sebab there are things that I don't like,that they are doing.
Aku lebih prefer sekiranya menegur kesilapan aku dengan suara yang lembut,bukan meninggikan suara.
Itu hanya satu.Sebenarnya banyak benda yang contradict dengan apa yang aku boleh handle.Things yang only friends do understand.

Aku mungkin mampu bersabar,tapi at the end aku akan merengus atau meninggikan suara juga.Kan jadi durhaka gitu? Sebab tu,aku lebih prefer jauh.Sebab bila jauh,aku tahu appreciate kasih sayang keluarga.

5 tahun asrama.3 bulan PLKN.2 tahun di KMB.4 tahun di UK?(Amiin).

Ya,asrama banyak merubah kehidupan seseorang.Be it something that can be blatantly seen,or something that can't be observed.

Andai satu hari nanti aku diberi pilihan untuk menghantar anak ke asrama,aku kata pergilah.Tapi aku akan pastikan bukan sekadar kehendaknya dari segi kewangan yang aku penuhi,tapi cukup kasih sayang sebagaimana adik-adiknya dirumah.Selalu lawatnya di asrama,dan selalu memesannya untuk berhubung melalui telefon awam/

Dan aku masih menangis.Sebab hakikatnya,pedih tu aku sorang je rasa.Rasa hati yang dah lama pendam tu aku seorang je yang faham betapalah aku ni lemah tak berdaya.

Split personality really kills me.Aku takkan sama dirumah dan di sekolah.Malah,dirumah aku menjadi sangat 
introvert dengan sekeliling.Tak,aku tak pernah minta.Aku cuma tinggalkan segala apa yang aku ada di sekolah,bawa pulang personality dan leadership skills yang selalu mereka pandang hebat di sekolah.

Sebab bila pulang dirumah,telinga aku didengarkan yang aku ini tidak mempunyai kemahiran hidup la,harap je pandai tak reti memasak la,macam-macam la yang negatif.

Sesuatu yang berbeza dengan kata-kata disekolah.Susah nak terima pujian dirumah ini,maka aku hanya menjadi seorang kanak-kanak dengan tangan kosong,dan hanyalah a mere child that won't be able to contribute to society.

Aku lupa bagaimana aku 6 tahun dulu.Aku yang tak pernah masuk asrama lagi.Aku yang tak faham perasaan jauh dari keluarga.

entah aku lupa.
Mungkin ini suatu dugaan untuk aku,untuk sentiasa mentaati kedua ibubapa walau hakikatnya aku dah gagal.

masih menangis lagi.
Harap tiada yang membaca post ini.

Jun 22, 2014

For another 2 days left.

OMG I'm so excited,but I just don't show it.What is the point of trying to shoe off your current feeling? heh.

Tell that to Mark Zuckerberg.

So for another two days left,I'll be leaving KL to Banting.Somewhere located outskirts the town,at Selangor.
(Oh even if you ask any KL people,they kinda don't have the idea where the Banting is precisely located)

See that unfair people?They should have known.They should have known that even Banting is located in the midst of pokok kelapa sawit,we have the best IB school.So proud meh.

For another two days left,I'll officially become an IB student,and live for 2 years among geniuses from all over Malaysia.Okay that makes me feel inferior.

For another two days left,I'll officially trying to fall in love with Economics - though I don't even have any idea what would I learn in future or what would I be.Life is full of suprises,isn't it? But yeah,I did a lot of research just to make sure I know things mingling around the world of Economics,and KMB of course.

For making the decision to let myself not doing law,I hope I won't regret.The point is,I am already a step forward.I don't have any way out.I can't turn back time and say I regretted with this decision.

So chin up,balqis ! And put trust to yourself that you will strive the best.That you will give the ultimate energy to IB life,and go to oversea for another 2 years.

I feel so excited.Packing things over and over again,socially trying to adapt myself among virtual KMBian '14-'16 from the facebook group that I hope I won't get introvert or even worse,to feel kinda awkward in a new place.Speaking about that,I am so elated for being able to have some friends which we called ourselves as "Selfie Gang" and so yeah,that blatantly shows the mission of the group heh.

Anyhow,most of my friends have already enrolled to their universities and I am so overjoyed for them.Alhamdulillah for they are success the way they define it :*) 

But I am that annoying me,I just felt that jealousy as I didn't enter KMB yet.Sigh*
You know that feeling when your friends uploaded their orientation pictures in instagram and facebook?You know that God-knows-feeling,when they talk about the classes,kuliah,tutorial,quizzes RELENTLESSLY and I'm so out of clue.What quiz? Macam masa sekolah rendah tu ke? 

Ok that's me,lacking of vocabulary of university version.Pity little girl.

And for the really next two days,I'll upload my instagram with a picture of my things that I'm going to bring to  KMB and its like a lorry you know -_-' But I'm just going to drive a Honda Stream lol.

I'm looking forward for another 2 days of tomorrow,and enrolled myself to the best IB world school.

May Allah ease & bless.Amin.

[please please and please pray for me,and for my success].

Jun 7, 2014

You don't even know what's best for you

It happened to me;
That I don't even know what's best for me.I dont know if things would work out well,though.
I was given a sea of choices throughout my life,and I couldn't even know that I actually make up things greatly.

Well that was before.

Funny to remember this old thing.It was funny,and sort of amusing most of the time.
I was well aware that I received a good grade in those two small exams;I got 5 A's and Mumtaz.
I'm so yearning to go SAM Bestari,a cluster islamic school located at Petaling Jaya.With a good grade that I earn,what stopped me for not going to?
The thing is,I didn't get the offer.Instead,I got SAMTSSAAS.Located at the very outskirt of Selangor,specifically in Sabak Bernam.

I guess,looking back at that moment,it was the best for me.Not until I got my PMR result.

Yes,I've been craving for so long to get the hell out of SAMTSSAAS.It was a personal reason,and battling internally and externally to the ups and downs here,I felt sick.I felt such an annoying to continue living myself here.I was kinda hatred,of this school.But as I said before,it was just because some mere personal reasons,that I wish I wouldn't remember.It caused me to cry for 3 days,non stop.No I'm not lying.

and I worked my pants off,to get the best for trials and real exam.
Alhamdulillah for the 9 A's.

And I applied for KISAS,a SBT school in Klang.Its the best islamic school,yet I wish to go here just to get the hell out of my personal problem(can you see my wrong intention,sigh).

Yet,I didn't get the KISAS offer.For 2 times,after my first rejection,and I applied for the 2nd one as 'rayuan'.
I asked myself,what the heck happening? I got all A's,I got a good extra cocurricular background,and why would they didn't choose me?

Allah knows well.

Times passed.
I'm getting to learn more,and find the pearls in samtssaas.I wouldn't say that I always live in a cloud nine,because I'm not.I have my own topsy turvy life here,but I did kicked all the pains and became stronger than I was before.

Allah knows well,and I'm thankful enough to be purely graduated from SAMTSSAAS.

The thing is,I managed to found a lot of hikmah pearls in SAMTSSAAS.The hikmah is ain't an easy going,it took pain and tears and sacrification.

Alhamdulillah,I feel blessed and thankful enough to receive my education here in samtssaas,despite the location that is located outskirt the town hehe :P

But I think,what doesn't kills me always makes me stronger.In the other hand,I found the hikmah in such a hard way,but I think its Allah's best tarbiyyah on me? maybe.


This is the best part,for me.I aimed to go Darul Quran,as I intended to get a certificate of memorizing the Qur'an,and to pursue Medic in IIUM.It wasn't easy,as the procedures are tight enough to get me in.I got C in Addmaths,and it was just only a mark to B though.Blame me for main-main during my SPM trial -,-'
(at least I got an A for real SPM,hehe).

And as I expected,I didn't get to go through even to Darul Quran interview.That's just such a worse situation,but I decided to let my life go on.All hail balqis,there are more things to treasure.

So,for my post spm activities,I won't be going to Darul Quran(the intake started on January as they use trial result for the candidates).

To make it easy,I got PLKN which I told my senior that I won't be going to PLKN.No,not at all.
But seeing myself not going anywhere as DQ,I got no reason not to go.

and so I go.

Well,it wasn't that bad.Afterall,it was fun though.I even make a chinese bestfriend,I even sang their song(Xiao Jiu Wo) blergh to that.

Ok,please highlight that balqis listened to a chinese song -_-'

I even met an unrequited love,bahahahahaha.But I even awarded anugerah komandan,bytheway.

It wasn't that bad,as I imagined before.Infact,It was so fun that I wanted to go there again!
(to be frank,I don't want to go for the second time;reminding the black face that I have to face and the food.Sort of,hehe)

The hikmah is all the way throughout my life,and alhamdulillah Allah blessed me though I err so much to Him.
I wonder why He blessed me so much,hmm? 

Because He is The Almighty.The Forgiving.

The KMB vs UIA
I never experienced this yet,but I'm sure enough that He will guide me all the way.

I choose KMB,alhamdulillah.I know,they said IB is pre-U hardest program ever on earth,but I choose IB.

(and that happened after I did my istikharah prayer).

I just need to find the hikmah pearls throughout the IB and all,and insyaAllah He will give me a successful ending.

I believe to You,dear Allah.Despite all the err I've done,I believe that You're The Most Forgiving.

Entah,I don't know what's best for me.Even if it's wrong,I'll fix it(with Allah's wills too).

If it's right,I pray to Allah to make the journey smooth,and managed to fly.

He,is the one that knows what's in the sky and earth.And even what's between.

Just pray hard,and make it right.

Goodbye :)

May 26, 2014


If only I could have a door to see my future,

I would know what's best for me.
I would know the mistakes I'm going to do,and I'll try not to.

If only I could have a door to see my future,
I don't have to worry-because its already secured.
I don't have to fall in love with the wrong guy,
and I would never dream anything.

But only if I could..
and now,I'm stucked between two choice.
That changes EVERYTHING in my life.
I don't know which one works the best for me,
and I don't know if the decision I'm going to make is correct.

But people say,
No matter what you do and what choice is,
never regret
because sometimes wrong decision brings you to the right place

If this life is about Him
Then to Him that this matter I should refer
Then to Him I should pray out loud
If He brings you to it,He will get you through it

"Ya Allah, aku memohon petunjuk daripadaMu dengan ilmuMu dan aku memohon ketentuan daripadaMu dengan kekuasaanMu dan aku memohon daripadaMu akan limpah kurniaanMu yang besar. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Berkuasa sedangkan aku tidak berkuasa dan Engkau Maha Mengetahui sedangkan aku tidak mengetahui dan Engkaulah Yang Maha Mengetahu segala perkara yang ghaib. Ya Allah, seandainya Engkau mengetahui bahawasanya urusan ini (sebutkan..) adalah baik bagiku pada agamaku, kehidupanku dan kesudahan urusanku sama ada cepat atau lambat, takdirkanlah ia bagiku dan permudahkanlah serta berkatlah bagiku padanya da seandainya Engkau mengetahui bahawa urusan ini (pilihan keuniversiti) mendatangkan keburukan bagiku pada agamaku, kehidupanku dan kesudahan urusanku sama ada cepat atau lambat, maka jauhkanlah aku daripadanya dan takdirkanlah kebaikan untukku dalam sebarang keadaan sekalipun kemudian redhailah aku dengannya".

*stumbled upon this video while I was searching the word ISTIKHARAH*

May 25, 2014

So the Mara result is already relesed,no?

Assalamualaikum.I know I know,its already 2:27 am.But I just can't sleep since I've changed to become a nocturnal after the plkn life.

And no,I can't change my biological clock.Back to the main topic,the MARA result is out.Alhamdulillah,I got MARA for Economics.

*This is UPU*

*This is MARA*

This is,indeed,a tough decision to make.When people ask me,what do you want in the future? I told myself,I don't know.I don't have any ambition.I'm just being that fragile me,despite all the achievements I have.

I'm still a person without future.Back then, I realized that maybe this void should be refill by fulfilling someone's hope.Mummy's hope.To become a lawyer.

But I want something better.I don't want to be ordinanry-because everyone can be a lawyer.Even Dyana Sofya can become a lawyer bahahahaha lame ._.

I want to go further.I want to do Islamic Banking and Finance.I want something better for Ummah.
I analysed the whole thing around me,and I see then conventional bank is getting down.Islamic banking are currently highly demanded.This is such a bright chance and market,I thought.

I aim higher.I want to have even PhD in Islamic Banking and Finance.No,it ain't easy.
Even more,I want to help this Ummah by demolishing Riba'.

I just want to do Master in Islamic Banking and Finance.That's all.So I apply in Law,since I would still be eligible to do IBF.

As for MARA,yes I asked for Economics.People was like whatdapanda why are you asking for Economics balqis??!!?! But I'm I said before..I want to do Master in IBF.That is all.And I can still do it through Econs.

So now,I get what I want.I got both.I'm so blank.Because I thought I won't get for MARA.Because I had a tough interview,since all my groupmates are totally awesome and cool the way they are.

Wehh susahnya nak membuat keputusan T_T
But ok,I continue this post with some more interesting story.So I posted this screenshot to Facebook*well hello I don't have any Twitter account,and quite proud of it*

And alhamdulillah,I received a lot of motivational words actually.Can't thank them enough for living in my life circle,because I feel blessed!

Here is some word from Ustaz Bakhtiar,he was my faci when I attended Nadwah Kepimpinan Islam Selangor.It was a short meeting,but Allah makes us still keep in touch.Hamdanlillah..

"Tahniah balqis. Teruskan perjuangan. Ingat perjuangan hanya utk allah dan agama."

"Hari ni kamu layak berasa gembira dan bangga. Akhirnya kamu akan kata, tak sia2 aku sengkang mata belajar dan qiamullail. Kembalikan kegembiraan dan kebanggaan kpd pemiliknya dgn bersujud syukur. Tahniah. Saya bangga dgn kamu. Terus attach dgn saya sbb saya memerlukan kamu dan rakan2 dlm perjuangan agama."

 "Ingat pesan saya seterusnya, hidup mati biar bererti."

See? Now don't ask me why I don't feel blessed.
Its hard to choose whether its Law or Economics.Both have its own pros and cons.
As such,Mara : You are able to fly.Only if you required 35/45 of the points in International Baccalaureate.

Law:You can still live local.You can go home everyweek.You can go to Midvalley with Soofiyah.You can go to places you want to go.

Indeed,a tough tough tough (and the word continues) decision.

I asked myself,can I do IB? Because its IB!Its hard T_T

Can I get atleast 35/45? I don't know.Because its IB t_t

or maybe because I'm the only one to feel inferior.

But then,I met someone online.It is Kak Izyan Ariff.Accidentally found her blog from Angel Pakai Gucci,so I added her on Facebook.Suddenly,we were chatting after the MARA result is out.Its the first time,and again I feel blessed to have someone around me,just on time.

Its like Allah is helping me out.Maka benarlah;

He gives you to it,and He will get you through it.

and now I'm scrolling down the chat window,looking for some words to be quoted.Mihmih :3

"Things are always going to be harder.Always harder.But we all will get through it insyaallah."

"Dont let the hard part deter you."

"the key is, dont care about orang laen punya achievements."

"We all have our own fights, and we all try and do our best."

"Dont look at the result, but look at the effort."
"Do your best,and ask for Allah's help."

so umphh I just haven't made this BIG decision yet.I need to ask myself,
why would I fly?
why would I do IB?
Why should I go UIA?
Sebab everything seems to be so campur-campur lah.
Because all I can imagine when I go to UIA is to be home frequently,bhahahah and also going to places around KL that I haven't discover.yet.LOL to that.

Need some more time,and oh if you have any opinion,just write it in my comments form.I need it,like A LOT.Okay,goodnight :)