Sep 6, 2016

How does it feels to survive?

I would mark 13th of August as an achievement of a lifetime - for graduating from International Baccalaureate successfully.

Well, probably not good enough for all. 37 point with an additional of 2 points from CAS + EE + TOK, still below 40 points that can be considered as excellent. Well, that's life. If you are good at something, you'll find that there are people better than you. Stop comparing and be grateful of what is yours. But that's exactly what happened in KMB; if you got above 35 points and below 40 points you are only dubbed as an IB survivor that secured a scholarship to abroad. If you got 40 points till 45 points, you're dubbed as an excellent and will be called on the stage to receive special reward.

How lucky they are - said someone.

I get it, it is their definition of success. To me, why do I have to feel regret for not doing well when I can now secure a placement to a university listed the third after Oxford and Cambridge ( according to Guardian)? Afterall. it is just a conventional ranking that does not represent the real definition of success in the Worldview of Islam. It is, indeed, a fake ranking that we deemed to follow just because everyone's making it as a benchmark. And with all due respect, why do we have to please everyone and make them look at us as though everything that we do should be up to people's expectations?

That's what I keep on telling myself.

That I do not need to be excellent just to make myself look good infront of the public. That I won't be doing something just to look good in the resume. I'm doing this and that for myself, for my own empowerment, and that I could be nearer to God with the knowledge I gained.

That's the ultimate definition of success I have put in my life.

For graduating after a horrendous 2 years in Kolej MARA Banting, I feel the satisfactory that I have done my level of best. That if I may turn back time, I would still choose IB and I'd continue doing it no matter come what may.

Maybe yes, maybe you will only find that it is hard when you're in it but once you are done - meh, it is just a piece of more hardships coming.

I may proudly tell myself that I survived and becoming a stronger and better woman of who I am today. I am a work in progress, but improving extensively.Alhamdulillah.

Sep 1, 2016

Wedding and You

I've had two invitation coming from my primary school friends to their weddings. Although I'm barely 20 and will be enrolling for my undergraduate studies real soon, some of my friends had already jumped that life process to the marriage; which is so advanced, at least to me.

Meh, I feel bad about myself. While I'm being happy with graduation and having vacation with friends, they are already living with their couple in hopes for an eternal and ever after life. Am I the only one lag behind or something? It feels surreal anyway, that your childhood friends are already married and some of them are in the process, yet you, are still dreaming on going to the university for a degree.

I guess, its up to someone's priority,anyway. One may have different dream of his life so he choose different path. But one, too, may think studies and academics is important so they'd just focus on academia. To me, I don't think I would be able to juggle both ways; marriage and studies, so I'd simply choose to focus on my studies and we'll see how it goes in the future. I personally feels easily irritated and annoyed having to focus on personal matters that will distract my main business, so yes, I have been avoiding love matters all this while.

20 years old may probably makes me a better woman and a better person, especially there's a lot going on in this year. I am becoming more mature and to handle myself pretty good despite my roller coaster emotional ride especially during PMS(haha).

I have less than 15 days left in Malaysia before leaving to study in London, so I'm truly sorry for not being able to write a post for quite some time.Besides, the documents and stuffs preparation has been hectic, so I've been running here and there to make my pre-departure preparation going on well.